Are Wenlock & Mandeville Among The Worst Mascots Ever?

The London Olympics are still two years away, and that gives the rest of the world plenty of time to ridicule those wankers for their ridiculous choice of mascot, which was unveiled this week.

Wenlock and Mandeville are a pair of cyclops-esque blobs that will be parading around the 2012 games, likely causing more panic than excitement.

Said to have been made from droplets of steel leftover after the construction of London’s Olympic Stadium, Wenlock and Mandeville are destined to follow in the same path to success as previous Olympic mascot Izzy the Whatizit, the furry blue creation from the Atlanta games.

Could you imagine a world in which the Whatizit couldn’t parlay Olympic glory into Hollywood staying power?

The 2006 World Cup was held in Germany. The Germans, known for their creativity, created the mascot duo of Goleo and Pille. Goleo was a lion holding a rose in one hand and a soccer ball in the other. Pille was the soccer ball. Brilliant.

Mascots don’t exclusively fail miserably on the world stage. Here in the United States, most sports are guilty of artificially infusing fun into its stadium by dressing up some poor sap in an oversized costume and sending him out to dance for his paycheck. Most sports follow the same logic, and it is getting out of hand.

There are PLENTY of terrible mascots out there, but I have created a list highlighting the worst of the worst.

Worst College Mascot

Saint Louis University’s Billikin.

What is a Billikin, you may ask? I asked the same question, and it appears even the people of Saint Louis University are unclear.

My best guess is that a Billikin is the Count from Sesame Street on the tail end of a week long coke bender. Many people will point to the Syracuse Orange as the worst mascot ever, but after the comparison picture of the Orange with former Kansas coach Mark Mangino, I laugh every time I see that silly round bastard.

Both of them, actually.

Worst NBA Mascot

Boston Celtics mascot Brian Scalabrine.

Ok! We get it! There is a rich Irish tradition in the city of Boston but to have a pudgy, freckled, red headed, drunken freak as your mascot is offensive and…

…wait…

…Scalabrine is on the team?

Oops. My bad.

Then I’ll go with “Stuff the Magic Dragon” in Orlando. Pink wings. Green skin. Blue unibrow. This ensemble makes about as much sense as acquiring Vince Carter.

Worst NFL Mascot

Pittsburgh Steelers’ Steely McBeam. Apparently the Rooney’s weren’t ready to cut ties with their old coach when Mike Tomlin started his tenure, so they hired Bill Cowher’s brother to dress up like one of the Village People and trot around Heinz Field in skin tight overalls and a hard hat. That sounds about right for the Steelers.

Worst MLB Mascot

Cleveland Indians Slider. Slider is an interesting breed. Originally, Slider was beloved by everyone in the city, but then things took a turn for the worse.

Drunk on stardom and Wild Turkey, the big tubby pervert decided to stop wearing pants when he met fans. What’s worse? He has been known to thrust his crotch and shake his ass at anything that gives him attention!

Come to think of it… that sounds about right for the Steelers too.