Tiger Woods Learns A $750 Million Lesson About Prenups

For all you dudes out there that have a f**kton of cash, you may want to pay attention to what has happened with Tiger Woods and his divorce.

Elin Nordegren was a nanny.  A FUCKING NANNY.

Now she has $750 million.  There is no way anyone who is reading this has $750 million so none of us can even comprehend how stupid an amount of cash that really is.

Tiger, meet your lawyer.  He will teach you about a prenup.  Now, it may seem silly, but it may just save you some money in the future. 

When he was pounding those dirty DIRTY hingalingding hoes, did he really know how expensive that s**t really was?  No way he thought of that.  No. Way.

The only thing he got out of it was promised silence from her.

I think it’s funny as hell.  I don’t feel bad for the guy, nor do I feel good for her.  Again, I can not even comprehend what it’s like to live like these people.

But one thing my poor, dumb ass can comprehend, is that’s some expaaansive pussaaay. 

The new arrangement also prevents Tiger from bringing any single ladies around the kids.  If he likes it then he’s got a put a ring on it.  ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE MARRIAGE MEANS A DAMN THING TO THIS GUY? HA! 

He’ll find another hot-ass model/nanny, but this time, he’ll make sure she’s cool with the sex buffet.  I think he’ll find that finding another woman to spend his money and live in his house won’t be too hard.  Even if she does have to turn her head to a little, OK a LOT, of dirty porn sex.

Honestly, think of all the 21-year-old chicks that marry rich ass 91-year-old men.  Marrying a dude for his cash is nothing new.  Only I would think Tiger would be a better catch for a chick like that. 

At least you know his junk works.

To help us get a better idea of exactly what $750 million is, we asked Ted, the JOCKpost accountant, to give us some examples of exactly what that much money could buy.

The Child Cost Calculator will tell you how much it might cost to raise a child for 18 years.

According to this calculator, it would cost Elin Nordegren $411,214 to raise 1 child for 18 years. This means that with the recent settlement from the divorce Elin could raise 1,824 children but she only has to raise 2!

Hey Elin there are a lot of homeless starving neglected children in the world if you can spare some extravagance!

What does $750 million buy you?

340,911 Star Trek Captain Kirk Chairs
1666 Lamborghini Murcielago
161,290,322 Big Macs
At $3500/night, Elin could loosen up a bit and have hot sex with Zahia Dehar for 587 years!!