Professional Athletes Rejoice, FDA Endorses New Morning After Pill

Professional athletes  1

Overly slutty, money hungry whores  0

The FDA is one step closer to approving a new morning after pill, which will undoubtedly decrease every football, basketball, baseball, golf, tennis, volleyball, badminton player’s risk of knocking up some hoochie just looking for a free ride. The new pill, which will increase the days after cum-sumption from 3 to 5 days, will allow athletes extra time to do the right thing and keep their child support payments to a minimun.

Unfortunately, for guys like Travis Henry and Evander Holyfield this pill wasn’t around earlier – it could have saved them from 11 different happy meals a piece. And even more so for the New York Jets, who could have saved themselves $500,000 they had to front for Antonio Cromartie’s child support payments.

Now while there are still definitely going to be athletes who prefer to raw dog and bail, at least this gives them a chance to to take care of things in the morning -  but we all know they won’t.

As long as there are ladies willing to spread their legs, there will be stupid athletes willing to blow their load inside of them.

Personally, I think league Player’s Associations need to force athletes to carry these pills around at all times. Talk about a f**king sweet-ass marketing campaign.