New Nike Tiger Woods Commercial Is Just Plain Weird [Video]

I was wondering about a week ago how on Earth a sponsor could feature Tiger Woods in a commercial, post meltdown. Nike has taken the first shot at such a challenge.

The commercial has us looking at what has become Tiger’s trademark sad/remorseful face. Close up, for a full 30 seconds. Tiger doesn’t say anything in the spot, but his late father does.

“Tiger, I am more prone to being inquisitive, to promote discussion,” Papa Woods says. “I want to find out what your thinking was. I want to find out what your feelings are. And did you learn anything?”

Let me take a stab at it.

Earl: “I want to find out what your thinking was.”

Tiger: “Elin wasn’t putting out and I really like to f**k. F**king is fun, dad. I also like blowjobs and, well, blowing my load is just a real blast. I had all these bitches, you should have seen them, pops. I mean I was f**king some of the hottest bitches you’ve ever seen! Dozens of them!”

Earl: “I want to find out what your feelings are.”

Tiger: “Right now, things suck pretty bad. All my bitches are gone. Elin is gonna fleece me worse than Heather Mills and Jamie McCourt put together. I’ve gotta act like I’m remorseful ALL THE FUCKING TIME. It gets real old.”

Earl: “And did you learn anything?”

Tiger: “Yeah, I learned one real important lesson here. Bitches are hoes.”