Locker Room Stories: “The Towel Whip”

Locker Room Stories is a contest in which readers submit their favorite stories to share with the world.

As a reward for their efforts, the writer of the funniest story will win a 1956 Topps Jackie Robinson baseball card.

This LRS was submitted by reader Jonny P. from Tacoma, WA:

Not my story, but a friend of mines. When he was in high school, he wasn’t the buffest kid. He was looked at as a nerd basically.

One day, the quarterback of the high school football team takes a towel, and cracks his ass with it, (you know where you twist it up, and use it as a whip). My buddy was naked, and it busts open his ass cheek, and blood starts running down his leg.

The quarterback and all the other jocks in the locker room started saying, and kept saying things like, “What? Are you going to cry? You going to go cry to mommy?”

Except my friend wasn’t particularly concerned about crying, or going home to mom.

Instead, he kneed one jock in the chest, bashed his face against the sink, and turned to the quarterback. The quarterback ran, but out of pure rage and adrenalin, my friend tackled him, and began punching his face off.

Note that while doing this he was completely naked, and was running through the hallway and out into the football field where the high school cheerleaders where practicing.

As my friend punches this quarterback’s face, the quarterbacks ear piercing gets lodged in my friends middle knuckle, and by the time the authorities had finally pulled my buddy off the quarterback, the quarterback had a broken nose, broken jaw, several missing teeth, with one tooth was lodged in my friend’s pinky finger.

My friend was charged with assault instead of self defense, and the quarterback was given a slap on the wrist.

No one ever fucked with him after that.

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