Locker Room Stories: “The S**tty Mouthpiece”

Locker Room Stories is a contest in which readers submit their favorite stories to share with the world.

As a reward for their efforts, the writer of the funniest story will win a 1956 Topps Jackie Robinson baseball card.

This LRS was submitted by reader Larry O. from Chattanooga, TN:

I went to a small southwestern Ohio high school. So small it was impossible to fly under the radar for anyone. If you were a new kid who acted like a s**t-head you could count on catching some hell.

At the beginning of two-a-days the summer before my junior year my school and football team got a newcomer from Missouri named Adam. On the first day of his arrival we were all a little impressed with his size and thought we may have gotten a decent athlete.

By the end of the first week we knew better. The guy was average, at best, and to go with his mediocre ability he had the weirdest f**king sense of humor. It was all most of us could do to even talk to the big, weird f**ker.

One guy on the team, Trent, took a particular dislike to our new teammate.

Unfortunately for Adam, our school did not have separate locker rooms for the the football team and students who just needed to change for PE.

Trent and I had PE together that year and on the first day of school while we were changing in the locker room Trent suggested we play a little prank on Adam.

I said “Why not?” and asked him what he had in mind. Next thing I knew, Trent had taken Adam’s helmet out of his locker and removed his mouthpiece.

Before I could protest (I like to think I would have) Trent had his pants down and was shoving the new guy’s mouthpiece up his asshole.

Did I tell the new guy about his s**tty mouthpiece before he used it that day at practice? I did not.

Did I laugh my ass off that afternoon while he was chewing on the f**king thing like he loved its new flavor? I most certainly did.

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