Locker Room Stories: “Revenge Of The Viagra”

Locker Room Stories is a contest in which readers submit their favorite stories to share with the world.

As a reward for their efforts, the writer of the funniest story will win a 1956 Topps Jackie Robinson baseball card.

This LRS was submitted by reader Philly D. from Columbus, OH:

The story starts off on the football practice field. It was near the end of practice and the whole team was running sprints. One of my friends, Ryan (senior DE), was having a hell of a time controlling his bowels during these sprints and subsequently s**ts his pants mid-sprint. Now, only myself and another player Dave (senior DE) knew what just happened.

Next thing you knew the entire team was in the locker room and Dave, being the asshole that he was, couldn’t keep this a secret and told everyone about it. Ryan decided to hide in the weight room until everyone left, to change his s**t soaked pants.

Dave wasn’t going to let this happen.

As everyone was watching he storms into the weight room and grabs Ryan flipping him over a bench with his ass in the air. Hilarity ensued. Everyone was laughing and screaming s**t like, “ewwwwwe!” “disgusting,” and “that’s effing nasty!”

Needless to say this was quite humiliating and Ryan was thoroughly embarrassed. I was really surprised that Ryan didn’t come back the next day with a shotgun.

A couple weeks later Ryan decides that he is going to get Dave back. He comes to the decision that he is going to crush up a Viagra pill and spike Dave’s drink before practice.

I heard he was thinking about using LSD, but he didn’t want to go to prison that week.

Right after school he got the perfect opportunity and dumped the crushed pill into Dave’s bottle of Powerade. He shook it up real nice and Dave had no clue as he guzzled the bottle down. A few teammates who were in on the elaborate prank were in the locker room getting ready for practice.

It didn’t take long for the pill to kick-in and everyone was watching Dave as he is starting to freak out about what is going on with his body. He ended up changing in the bathroom stall. He was trying to think of anything to get this erection to go down.

I could just imagine the thoughts going through his head; football, carebears, the movie Cool Runnings, etc. Nothing was working, but yet he still didn’t know what was going on. So, he got cleats on and headed outside for practice. By this time everyone on the team knows what’s up.

Before the start of every practice everyone stands around the corner of the practice field and waits for the coach’s whistle to run a lap around the field as a team.

At this point everyone is starting to crack up and Dave starts to figure out that something is up (literally). So about 30 seconds into the lap Dave gets the scope of exactly what Ryan did to him, and he goes crazy.

Even with a raging hard-on he jumps in Ryan’s face and starts pushing him and screaming. “What the f**k?!?! You f**king drugged me?! What?…Do you want to see my dick or something?!?! You f**king homo?!?” They went back and forth for a while until the coaches broke them up. I have to say it was freakin’ funny.

The coaches ended up getting the whole story and found it to be pretty amusing themselves. They sent Dave home because lord knows that you cannot practice football with an uncontrollable boner filling his pants.

Before he went home the coaches had to “bust his chops” a little bit. Some of the memorable quotes were: “Don’t put your eye out with that thing” and, “You can probably use that thing as a pitching wedge.” Along with the coaches the whole team was cracking jokes. It was definitely one of the funniest chain of events that I have ever seen.

The coaches had Ryan run laps the rest of the practice for all the disruption he caused. As for Dave, I’m sure he had a “long” night as well.

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