Locker Room Stories: “Battles**ts! Girls Edition”

Locker Room Stories is a contest in which readers submit their favorite stories to share with the world.

As a reward for their efforts, the writer of the funniest story will win a 1956 Topps Jackie Robinson baseball card.

This LRS was submitted by reader Brittany L. from Albany, NY:

It was just after school on a fall day when 2 of my teammates and I decided we wanted to go to the locker room to have our pre-game s**t. It was a ritual for us three girls; we did this in the same stalls everyday before every soccer game.

On this particular day, we decided it would be a good idea to close the restroom door so no one could smell the foul stench that was seeping out of the stalls and into the hallway.

We did our thing – played a little game of battles**ts – and after we were finished, washed our hands and tried to leave; except we couldn’t get out of the restroom.

I have no idea why there was no handle on the inside of this door; they must not have thought it would be a big deal back in the 50’s when our HS was built.

Maybe it was to keep people like us from doing stupid things like that. For about the first five minutes or so, we screamed and pounded on the door in hopes that someone would hear us, but there was absolutely no answer.

To make it worse, every time we tried to stick our fingers in the side or under the door, it just pushed it in further.

Needless to say we were definitely f**ked. We freaked out for a good fifteen minutes trying to think of what we would do if no one found us or let us out.

Would we have to ration our pre-game food supply that consisted of Power Bars, Gatorade and Cheese and Peanut Butter crackers?

After about twenty minutes, they decided to hoist me up and shove me out the tiny 1’x2’ window that led to the courtyard in the middle of the high school.

That didn’t work out so well either.

Not only because I couldn’t fit, but also because the door would’ve been locked to get back into the High School. So, it was back to plan A, yell and kick the door so hard that SOMEONE HAD to hear us.

A little while later, our prayers were answered when a janitor heard the racket we were making and let us out. We thanked him numerous times and luckily for us, no questions were asked.

We just picked up our s**t and got the hell out of the bathroom. It might have been the only time I felt like an asshole for taking a s**t in the locker room and sadly enough, there were no more pre-game battles**ts after that incident.

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