What Have We Learned? DT’s Belated Thanks Edition, Top 50

In lieu of writing about what we learned this week, I thought I would take a page out of JP14’s playbook and share what I am thankful for. Beyond the obvious answers of family, friends, health and well being… here are 50 things that I am thankful (and not thankful!) for…

1.) Michael Jordan thinks about as much of Lebron James as I do. Schmuck.

2.) Brad Childress lost his job. Maybe now we can take Brett Favre to the glue factory.

3.) The Auburn Tigers secondary. If it wasn’t for that band of misfit losers, nobody could have kept it close against Cecil Newton’s boy all year.

4.) Vince Young is out for the year. As a professional, you don’t walk out on your coach and your team. You’re supposed to be an adult. Act accordingly.

5.) TCU. You may not think that they deserve a shot at the national title, but I think we can all agree they would stomp the winner of the ACC or Big East. I would be even more thankful for a college football playoff system.

6.) Brodrick Brown’s interception for Oklahoma State. Athletic, smart and aware. Outstanding.

7.) The San Francisco Giants won the World Series. Lord knows that city could use a heterosexual parade.

8.) Everyone is starting to realize that Chris Bosh stinks.

9.) I am NOT thankful that Ohio State president Gordon Gee lashed out at TCU and Boise State. There’s a chance that the Buckeyes will see the Horned Frogs in a BCS game, putting the Buckeyes in a no-win situation. Win and you were supposed to win. Lose? Uh, oh…

10, 11, and 12.) Thanksgiving Day football. Tom Brady, Drew Brees and the Jets defense made turkey day even more enjoyable.

13.) The Miami Heat are BARELY over .500. I’m even more thankful that Dwight Howard went for 24 points and 18 boards against the soft Heat front line Wednesday night.

14.) Richard Seymour was fined heavily for his cheap shot on Ben Roethlisberger. While Ben is hard to sympathize with, that kind of thuggish buffoonery cannot be tolerated in professional football.

15 and 16.) Ndamukong Suh and Calvin Johnson make the Lions watchable again.

17.)  Twitter. Having a first-hand look at a professional athlete’s thoughts (not to mention their spelling and grammar) has provided me with endless hours of delight.

18.) Shannon Sharpe’s incoherent rambling. Does that guy do the show with a mouthful of jelly beans?

19.) Call of Duty Black Ops. Jesus, that game is addicting.

20.) Blake Griffin is healthy. The kid is special.

21 and 22.) Jake Delhomme is terrible, so I am thankful that Colt McCoy is going to be the starting quarterback in Cleveland for the foreseeable future. Mostly because of the camera shots of his wife.

23.) I drafted Arian Foster in the fifth round of my fantasy football draft. Still think that was too early, haters?

24.) There will be extra security at Quicken Loans Arena when the Miami Heat visit Cleveland. Trust me, I hate Lebron James more than anyone, but I don’t want to see passionate fans do anything stupid that will give the city of Cleveland another black eye.

25.) I am not a diehard fan of the SEC. There could not be a more overrated conference. Going 2-2 against the mighty ACC this weekend reminded me of this once again.

26.) Nevada beating Boise State. Some may see this as the Broncos getting beat by a dog. In reality, Boise State lost in overtime, on the road, to an 11-1 team ranked in the top 15 in the country. Nevada is not a cream puff team like everyone thinks, and Boise State’s schedule should be validated after this game. Too bad it won’t be because people are sheep.

27.) Kevin Durant. Kid is a class act.

28.) Great Lakes Christmas Ale. Delicious.

29.) The Ohio State vs Michigan game – but I just wish Roy Roundtree didn’t do his best Braylon Edwards impression on Saturday. A few of those drops could have made the game a little more exciting.

30.) Randy Shannon is gone. The nation needs a team to hate, and it’s no fun hating The U when they are terrible.

31 and 32.) Brandon Weeden and Justin Blackmon. Even with the loss to Oklahoma, they are the best QB/WR combo in college football since Peyton Manning and Peerless Price were roaming the Rocky Top sidelines. Look at the numbers, and then try to name one better.

33.) Barry Sanders highlight videos on YouTube.

34.) KeepLebronOut.com. One of the best ideas I’ve ever heard.

35.) ABC gave Matt Millen a chance to share his “football expertise” with the world as a color commentator. It gives a ray of hope to losers who are terrible at their jobs across the nation.

36, 37, and 38.) Katy Perry, Carrie Underwood and Rhianna. Not their music, obviously.

39.) I am thankful for three 1-loss teams in the Big 10. Top to bottom, best conference in the land this year — and it isn’t close.

40.) I am not thankful that Erik Spoelstra’s job is in question less than 20 games into the season. Pat Riley is such a scum bag. Could he have orchestrated his return any more blatantly? And is it Spoelstra’s fault that the Heat can’t stop a big man?

I applaud Spoelstra for not lashing out at his team, a group of spoiled self-entitled prima donnas or his “mentor”, who is proving to be as manipulative as the prized pig that he lured from Cleveland.

41.) I didn’t get my face punched in by Andre Johnson over the weekend. Sucks to be you, Cortland.

42.) Stanford. God save whoever they run into in a BCS Bowl game.

43.) I am NOT thankful for a Florida State vs Connecticut Orange Bowl. Reruns of iCarly will draw better ratings than that garbage.

44.) I didn’t step within a thousand feet of a Walmart on Black Friday. Nut jobs.

45.) Lebron James bumped his coach after ANOTHER loss. That guy is an absolute embarrassment and disgrace. A monumental waste of talent and a cowardice rat. Thanks for showcasing that again and again.

46.) I am thankful for Rusty Smith, but I’m not sure why.

47.) I am NOT thankful that college basketball started. Find me in March.

48.) The abundance of Ann Hathaway nudity in the new movie “Love and Other Drugs”. It almost made that crap-fest tolerable.

49.) The NFL caught on to Josh McDaniels videotaping antics. Apparently the apple doesn’t fall from the Belichick tree.

50.) I AM thankful for “Tweet of the Week”. This week’s:

“If Lebron starred in Space Jam 2, he’d leave the Looney Toons Team to play for the MonStars”

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