What Did We Learn From This Weekend of Football? [Halloween Edition]

Halloween weekend provided some scares, some thrills, and some entertaining football games. What did we learn this week?

-I’m not sure how Auburn Tiger’s quarterback Cam Newton got up high enough to catch that touchdown pass with Bob Davie hanging so tightly to his bean bag. Sure, it was a phenomenal catch but you’d think from Davie’s school-girlish fawning that a quarterback had NEVER caught a touchdown pass before. Auburn rolled the Ole Miss Runnin’ Rebels to remain unbeaten but gave up 31 points to a team that lost to Vanderbilt and Jacksonville State. Hmmm…

-What did Kansas City Chief kicker Ryan Succop do to head coach Todd Haley? Haley has about as much confidence in Succup as I have in the Jersey Shore guys reaching Beatles fame, and that lack of confidence almost cost the Chiefs a win on Sunday. Haley opted to go for it on 4th and 1 multiple times against the Buffalo Bills, rather than kick makeable field goals that would have avoided an overtime snooze fest at Arrowhead.

-For you Notre Dame fans calling for Brian Kelly’s head, what the hell is wrong with you? To quote a buddy, “Do you think he FORGOT how to coach?” The problem isn’t your coach it’s that you haven’t produced a legitimate playmaker in close to a decade. The most talented Notre Dame Alum that is on TV on Sundays is Thomas from the Amazing Race.

-Jets coach Rex Ryan misused challenges and Mark Sanchez looked like Mark Sanchez again on Sunday against the Green Bay Packers, lobbing up two interceptions and failing to get his team on the scoreboard. Sooner than later, people are going to realize this quarterback, this coach, and this team are a bigger fraud than Nike’s new Lebron commercial.

-SEC powerhouses Arkansas, South Carolina, and Mississppi State prevailed over division rivals Vanderbilt, Tennessee, and Kentucky. The gauntlet that these South Eastern Conference schools have to navigate week in and week out is enough to award the winner of the SEC title game an automatic BCS Championship game berth, no questions asked.

If any other top 25 team played an SEC schedule, they would have 3 losses at this point. If there were such a thing as “delusional idiot sarcasm font”, this paragraph would be written in it.

-Former Heisman Trophy winner Troy Smith got the start at quarterback this week for the San Francisco 49ers over former #1 overall picks David Carr and Alex Smith. Think about that for a second. Two #1 OVERALL draft picks and a Heisman Trophy winner at quarterback on the same team. Has one team ever had a more floundering collection of wasted potential at the most important position on the field? And still won? Credit the coaching genius of Mike Singletary. There’s another great spot for that sarcasm font…

-The Oregon Ducks put up half-a-hundred on the USC Trojans this week, continuing on their quest to be the most prolific offense in NCAA history. LaMichael James carried the ball a RIDICULOUS 36 times for 239 yards and three scores. With Arizona the only ranked team left on the Ducks schedule, will Chip Kelly be able to keep his team focused enough to run the table?

-Jerry Jones may be apologizing to Cowboy fans in Dallas, but Bum’s son is the one that needs to grovel. After enduring a 35-10 curb-stomping at the hands of the Jacksonville Jaguars, it appears that the team has quit on their coach and couldn’t care less about the rest of the season.

-Boise State gave up a garbage time touchdown to Louisiana Tech that may cost them down the road in the BCS standings, which is yet another flaw in that preposterous system.

-Matthew Stafford returned to the Detroit Lions this weak and tossed 4 touchdown passes against Washington, but the real story was Redskins coach Mike Shanahan benching All-World quarterback Donovan McNabb for career towel boy Rex Grossman in the final two minutes down just one score. Grossman took his first snap, was promptly annihilated and coughed up the ball. The fumble was returned for a touchdown by Ndamukong Suh, sealing a Lions victory. Good call, coach.

-TCU and Utah both won setting up one of the more exciting non-BCS conference showdowns in recent memory this week. The Horned Frog defense has given up more than 10 points only twice this year while Utah is the undefeated team that nobody is talking about. This should be a good one.

-The Arizona Cardinals called on quarterback Derek Anderson to win them the game after Max Hall was benched against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for throwing 2 first half pick-6’s. I think we all knew how that would turn out.

-Oh, Michigan State… that was embarrassing. Your recipe for success was simple; have Kirk Cousins manage the game and not turn the ball over. Cousins strayed from the game plan chucking 3 TERRIBLE interceptions in an embarrassing loss to the Iowa Hawkeyes. I said it last week, and I’ll say it again… Think Iowa wants that loss to Arizona back?

-Brett Favre may be the problem with the Minnesota Vikings offense, but that still doesn’t explain what’s wrong with their defense. What a disappointing season for the Purple Pride.

-Roy Helu Jr. and the Nebraska Cornhuskers reminded #6 Missouri that they were still Missouri in 31-17 victory in Lincoln. Helo Jr. had THREE touchdown runs of over 50 yards and ended the day with over 300 yards on the ground.

-The Oakland Raiders beat up on the Seattle Seahawks 33—3, proving again that the NFC West is the Big East of the NFL

-Speaking of the Big East, who’s excited to watch the Pittsburgh Panthers take on the Maryland Terps in the FedEx Orange Bowl? The answer is nobody. After watching Florida State and Miami puke all over themselves again, I cannot convey my utter disdain for the ACC and the Big East enough. The BCS system has to be tweaked. Soon. Seriously, why am I the only one banging this drum?

Tweet of the Week: “You know who I feel sorry for on Halloween? Everyday sluts. It must be the same way leprechauns feel on St. Patrick’s Day”.

Hilarious.

Follow me on Twitter @Jockpost22 to share your opinion with the world. Or at least with the degenerates that write for this site.