What Did We Learn This Week?

With the football season winding down, I decided to expand my horizons on what we learned this week and incorporate some basketball, a little baseball, and some pop culture.  Fun for all!  What did we learn this week… err… last few weeks?

-TCU made my year.  Since October, nobody has honked for the little guy as much as me, and watching the Horned Frogs take it to Big 10 Powerhouse Wisconsin was poetry in motion.  Ohio State loudmouth athletic director Gordon Gee might not think TCU belonged there, but Frog’s coach Gary Patterson did something that The Vest couldn’t this year… beat the Badgers. Andy Dalton is the baddest ginger since Rick Astley.

-Speaking of Ohio State… Columbus let out a collective sigh late Tuesday night as the Buckeyes escaped a thriller against Arkansas.  Despite wearing a Miami Heat hat in warm ups like a complete dips**t, Ohio State Quarterback Terrelle Pryor was masterful in the first half, and just good enough in the second half to skin the hogs.  Arkansas quarterback Ryan Mallet was throwing darts all night, but apparently greased the football with lard in the huddle as his receivers dropped critical ball after critical ball.  In the post game interviews, it was apparent why Pryor was sporting the Heat lid… he has apparently been taking public speaking lessons from Lebron James.  Dale Carnegie, they ain’t!

-Lebron James continued to make an absolute ass out of himself.  James was quoted as calling his Miami team the “Heatles”, because they sell out road shows much like John, Paul and Ringo used to do.  Don’t you change one thing, Lebron.  You’re the worst.

-The New York Jets rested supremely overrated quarterback Mark Sanchez for Mark Brunell on Sunday, and the result was the highest scoring game of the season for the Green Machine.  That’s correct… Mark Brunell still plays professional football.  And led the Jets to the more points than with Sanchez at the helm.  Looking good against the Colts, Rex.

-Andrew Luck is good at football.  Just ask Ron Jawarski or anyone else that interviewed him this week.  While Luck will certainly be the number one pick should he decide to leave Stanford, he reminds me of the kind of guy Chris Hanson would pop out and scare on “To Catch a Predator”.  Seriously… look at this rube. 

-Oklahoma Sooners, stop looking so smug.  The Connecticut Lady Huskers basketball team has been picking on their school’s BCS-worthy football team all year.  We expected you to be no different.

-The Cleveland Browns finished the season bending over for the Steelers in a 41-9 drubbing.  You know the phrase “it was a lot closer than the score indicated”?  This wasn’t one of those times.  With the Steeler victory, division foe Baltimore dropped from the #2 seed to the #5 seed forcing a first round playoff road game.  Way to go Browns?

-The Michigan Wolverines fired head coach Rich Rodriguez after being annihilated 52-14 by Mississippi State in the Gator Bowl.  The firing of Rich-Rod was about as surprising as hearing that Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal broke up.  (See, pop culture can be incorporated!  Tell your girlfriend to start reading JOCKpost.)

-The Atlanta Braves just signed 31 year old second baseman Dan Uggla to a $62 million dollar contract.  In future news, I will write a column in 2013 entitled “Why the Braves suck this year”.

-The Cleveland Cavaliers may be the worst team in the NBA, but they have something no other franchise has…  a homeless employee. Cleveland, I hate when people make fun of you, but Jesus Christ you make it easy.

-Hey Alabama, where was that intensity all year?  Don’t tell me the SEC gauntlet was too great a wall to climb, I watched North Carolina, Central Florida, and Florida State pimp-smack your SEC pals.  I will say, with confidence, Alabama is the most talented 3-loss football team of all time… just no heart.

-Memphis Grizzlies guard OJ Mayo reportedly assaulted teammate Tony Allen on the team’s charter Tuesday night over a game of cards.  Don’t splash the pot in OJ’s exit row.

-Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints for drawing the worst team in playoff history in the first round.  A double digit underdog at home in the first round of the playoffs is fantastic.  Vegas couldn’t set this line high enough for me to take Pete Carrol’s band of misfits.  That’s a lie.  I like to gamble.

-Speaking of degenerates, ESPN is reporting that Cecil Newton will attend the national championship game to watch his Heisman Trophy winning son play against the Oregon Ducks.  That is, of course, unless he hires Kenny Rogers to test the waters on selling the tickets.

-The Cincinnati Bengals decided to bring back head coach Marvin Lewis after he went a mediocre 60-67, including TWO 4 win seasons in the last three years.  Leave it to Cincinnati to be happy with less than terrible.

-At the beginning of this year, if you would have told me that Auburn would be a favorite in the national title game, Snooki would be a published author, and Tom Cable would go undefeated in the AFC West and STILL get fired, I would tell you the world was ending.   But literally ALL three things happened.  Uh oh…