What Did We Learn This Week In Sports? [NFL Edition]

With all due respect to the college kids, this week is all about the NFL.  What did we learn this week?

-The Buffalo Bills are 3-0 and sitting atop the AFC East thanks to an offense that can score with just about anyone.  Ryan Fitzpatrick (did you know he went to Harvard?) rallied his team from a 21-0 deficit to win 34-31.  Fred Jackson was magical gaining 164 yards on 17 touches, and the Bills defense picked off Tom Terrific 4 times.  Wes Welker was targeted TWENTY times and ended the day with 16 catches for 217 yards, but it was Ryan Lindell who booted a 28 yard field goal as time expired to seal the victory.

-Speaking of terrible franchises that are 3-0, the Lions are off to their best start since 1980.  The Vikings have blown double digit leads in all three games this season and may as well give rookie QB Christian Ponder a shot because Donovan McNabb needs to make his way to the glue factory.  The Lions were lead by Calvin Johnson who has caught multiple touchdown passes in every game this year, and is on pace to catch 32 touchdown passes this season.  Don’t laugh…  if anyone could do it, it would be this freak. 

-The New Orleans Saints hung 40 on the Texans this week to improve to 2-1, as Drew Brees ended the day with 370 yards passing and a trio of second half touchdown passes.  The two teams combined for over 900 yards of total offense in one of the weeks more entertaining games.

-The Chicago Bears are starting to piss me off.  Jay Cutler is going to take the Lion’s share of the blame, but the pieces that surround him in the Windy City are putrid.  When can we stop pretending that Roy Williams is an NFL caliber wide out?  The number of drops by the Bears pass catchers is maddening.  How sad is it that the most reliable wide out is undrafted rookie Dane Sanzenbacher?  The Bears stumbled to 1-2 as the Packers sealed the 27-17 win.  Despite the loss, the Bears managed to pull off the coolest play that I have ever seen in the NFL as Devin Hester and Johnny Knox punked the Green Bay Packers.  The play was called back for a bulls**t holding penalty, but this play definitely deserves mention.

-Colt McCoy was bad most of the day, but in the fourth quarter the Browns QB engineered a game winning drive that was Elwayesque, hitting Mohamed Massaquoi in the back of the endzone to top the floundering Dolphins 17-16.  A pair of young running backs were on display as the Dolphins Daniel Thomas and Cleveland’s Montario Hardesty ran hard for their respective clubs.  While the game was as easy to digest as a milk chugging contest at a lactose intolerance convention, the game winning drive has Browns fans living on cloud 9!

-The following teams stink and will not be mentioned again in this weeks column because of their horrendous performances on Sunday.  San Francisco, Cincinnati, Arizona, Seattle, Denver and Tennessee.  Lock it up, you losers.

-Carolina and Jacksonville were dangerously close to joining that list, but the monsoon-like weather that these teams played through gave them a week long hall pass.  NFL defenses can’t slow down Cecil Newton’s boy, but Mother Nature sure did.

-Pittsburgh, hang your head in shame.  Keeping it that close against the Indianapolis Colts is sad.  The Steelers squeaked out a 23-20 win despite QB Ben Roethlisberger turning the ball over three times.  As terribly as Ben played, at least he didn’t rape anyone.  So he’s got that going for him.

-Michael Vick broke his hand against the New York Giants, as the “Dream Team” is quickly becoming a nightmare.  Eli tossed 4 touchdowns against the secondary that analysts fawned over like a school girl with a crush, and the Iggles are sitting at 1-2 and likely starting Mike Kafka in the coming weeks.  Uh oh…

-The Jets can’t run the ball and the Jets can’t throw the ball.  This team is an enigma.  They shouldn’t be as good as they are… and maybe they are realizing that as well.  Also, I hope you clicked that hyperlink at work and your coworkers laughed at you.  Sissy.

-Atlanta is looking great so far this year and I’m thrilled that they were my Super Bowl pick.  Not.