Tom Terrific and Eli may have taken the week off, but that doesn’t mean the rest of the sports world did. What did we learn this week?
-Brandon Marshall dominated the Pro Bowl, hauling in six balls for 176 yards, and four scores as the AFC thumped the NFC 59-41. Credit Marshall for showing up. I understand it’s a meaningless All-Star game, but watching the offensive and defensive line play patty-cake on every snap was pathetic. There is a fine line between “playing so nobody gets hurt” and “playing like a middle school powder-puff game”. The Pro Bowl curb stomped that line like Norton in American History X.
-The NHL All-Star game (There’s an NHL all-star game?) took place over the weekend, With Team Charro… err… Team Chara outlasting Team Alfredsson 12-9. Twenty one goals by seventeen players and I didn’t recognize a single name of anyone that scored. Somewhere, Gorgon Bombay is shaking his head at the lack of American talent in the NHL.
-The Miami Heat outlasted the Chicago Bulls, no thanks to notorious choke artist Lebron James. James had 35 points in the outing, but predictably disappeared in the final minute with the game on the line. Reigning MVP Derrick Rose came to the foul line down 1 with 22 seconds to play, and clanked both freebies saving Lebron from certain scrutiny had the Bulls pulled out the win in one of the more exciting NBA match ups this season.
-When Lebron was in Cleveland, it took him 227 games to knock down his first game winning shot. It’s taken Kyrie Irving 19 (Credit for that stat goes to @CavsWITNESS on Twitter). Irving finished the day with 23 points, 4 boards, 6 assists and a steal, capped off by a game winning shot with two ticks left on the clock as the Cavs beat the Celtics 88-87 in Boston. All hail King Kyrie?
-Novak Djokovic played tennis with Rafael Nadal for nearly six hours over the weekend. When all was said and done, Djokovic claimed his third Australian Open title.
-Rashad Evans bored MMA fans to death as he outlasted Phil Davis in the Octagon over the weekend, winning a majority decision and earning a title shot in the light-heavyweight division. Next up for Evans is Jon Jones, who is currently under investigation for suspicion of being an Avatar. Or at least he should be.
-Stoners of the world put down their copies of High Times magazine long enough over the weekend to watch Shawn White notch the first perfect score in X-Games History in the SuperPipe. White, who seemingly borrowed his pants from a 1980’s hooker, continued his dominance in the world of snow boarding winning gold for a fifth consecutive year.
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