Lawrence Taylor has just purchased a one-way ticket to rock bottom. It’s a vacation spot he is quite familiar with – in fact, you could call it his second home.
One of the most feared linebackers in the history of the NFL, Taylor was arrested for allegedly raping a 16-year-old girl in New York.
The girl was a runaway, became homeless and found shelter with a pimp. In her defense, I hear that pimps have very reasonable room and board rates.
Taylor has been busy rehabilitating his image via appearances on Dancing With The Stars and NutriSystem commercials (look guys, I can lose weight without cocaine!), but none of that matters now.
His fall from grace rivals that of one of the most intimidating and intense athletes of all time: Mike Tyson. The parallels are a bit scary.
In all likelihood, this will be small potatoes for Taylor and his attorneys. I see some time spent in a sex rehab clinic in his future – where he can play Canasta with Tiger Woods, Steve Phillips and our ole pal Rapelisberger.
They can all come out, hold hands, sing Kumbaya and we are all warm and fuzzy. See! He’s better now! No more raping!
No word on whether the girl’s pimp was Dez Bryant’s dad or not. Oh and LT, GET SOME GODDAMNED EYE DROPS. They’re like 5 bucks at Walgreens.
These guys are out-of-f**king-control. Stay tuned for more NFL rape news! You never know, some hulk of man could be getting his right now!
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