Jose Tabata’s Crazy Wife Pleads Guilty To Kidnapping 2-Month-Old Baby

Man, when women go crazy, they go all the way.

Pittsburgh Pirates outfielder Jose Tabata found himself a real nut job — and married her.

44-year-old Amalia Tabata-Pereira, pled guilty today on charges of kidnapping, interference with custody and impersonating a public officer.

The story goes like this: For reasons only known to her, Amalia wanted Jose to think that she was pregnant. Maybe she needed an excuse to be a lazy ass, gain a bunch of weight, and live comfortably off his earnings.

Needless to say she was not pregnant, but when the time came to produce a baby, she went shopping. She waltzed into a clinic, impersonated an immigration official and demanded that a mother hand over her child or be deported.

Her intentions were to present the child to Tabata as if it were their own.

The cops have ruled out Jose Tabata’s involvement in the kidnapping. Tabata is as shocked as the rest of us (well, actually, he’s probably way more shocked than any of us).

“She completely falsified her pregnancy and the eventual birth of a baby girl, which would have made me a father for the first time,” said Tabata, who read a prepared statement in Spanish but did not answer questions from the media before an afternoon workout. “Imagine how that made me feel.”

What in hell is he doing marrying a 44-year-old anyway? Dude, you’re a professional baseball player, go out there and get yourself some nice young tang!

She’s likely to get a pretty hefty prison sentence. Unlike Jose Tabata, who just got a get out of jail free card. Next time, maybe he can read up on how to pick ‘em before tying the knot.