Jets, Bengals Interested in Terrell Owens – Lucky Us!!

The nation caught a break yesterday, when the St. Louis Rams announced they were not in the running to sign Terrell Owens. Lucky for us (the fans), the remaining two teams interested in his services should provide AMPLE opportunities for entertainment. Let’s review the potential excitement to be had!!!

The Cincinnati Bungals interest in TO is almost cliché. It’s too perfect. A match made in f**k-up heaven. A team renowned for their off-the-field problems interested in the ultimate distraction. A few years back, they made a concerted effort to change their image, but they appear to have re-entered the Eminem “Just Don’t Give a F**k” zone again. Their roster activity has turned resident Clown Prince in Charge Chad Johnson into just another clown. Last year’s signing of the ever-wasted Cedric Benson was just the first in a series of mind-f**kingly crazy roster moves.

This past February, the Bungals signed free agent wide out Matt Jones. Yes, I’m talking about THAT Matt Jones-he of the arrest at gunpoint with 2 8 balls in his car. And yes, he of the 2^nd arrest for a failed drug test. Astoundingly, he is not even the worst behaved Jones on the team, and possibly not even the worst behaved at his position. Only in Cincinnati. 

In March of this year, the Bungals also signed perennial malcontent wide receiver Antonio Bryant. A man who loved drugs so much, he actually sued the NFL  to stop drug testing him. He will fit in nicely in the orange and black. Having previously been released by 2 teams because of clashes with the coaches, he should find little trouble in Cincy. Pillsbury Dough Boy head Coach Marvin Lewis takes s**t from players better than anyone in the game. So for those of you tallying at home, just in the receiving corps, we have 2 drug-related suspensions, 2 drug related arrests, and 2 reality TV shows (assuming TO signs). This doesn’t include the team’s signing of returner/perpetual degenerate Pacman Jones. What could possibly go wrong??

Then we have the New York Jets expressing interest in the loud-mouthed receiver’s talents. And why not? They’ve signed a ton of other aging and troubled players so far. And imagine the trouble TO could cause in the bright lights big city ?!?! I’m getting giddy just thinking about it. The cameras of his TV show following him around the Big Apple as he tries to show off?? Or he and Antonio Cromartie cruising for tail together??  It’s almost too much. And adding him to an already asshol-ish duo of Braylon Edwards and the always pleasant Santonio Holmes is a recipe for a sideline free-for-all the likes of which the league hasn’t seen since coach Rex Ryan’s dad Buddy attacked Kevin Gilbride. No matter where the prima donna signs, one thing is certain-it’s time to getcha popcorn ready!!