Floyd Landis Is Napoleon Dynamite

In Paris, an arrest warrant was issued for embattled cyclist Floyd Landis for questioning in a computer hacking case at a doping laboratory. The case is connected to the cyclist’s failed drug test following the 2006 Tour de France.

Landis won the race but was subsequently stripped of his title in 2007, only the 2nd such happening in the 96 year history of the event.

But that’s not important. I’m interested in this story because I think he just might be the real-life Napoleon Dynamite. Or the rider is at least a more advanced version of America’s favorite loser-weirdo-nerd.

They share more than a fondness for computer hacking skills. Both come from religions outside the mainstream in the middle of BFE — Napoleon as a Mormon in the plains of Idaho, and Floyd as a Mennonite in Lancaster County, PA.

Both had to struggle against the “establishment” in private and public. Landis’ father forbade him from riding, calling it a “useless endeavor.” His religion forbade him from wearing shorts so he had to ride in sweatpants. One can only imagine the snickering going on by the men in the yellow nut-huggers. 

Napoleon’s wacky Uncle Rico nearly destroyed his chance at love with his breast enhancement product. Things were no easier at school, were he was tormented relentlessly for his love of tots and ligers.

This is too fun. Despite the aforementioned difficulties, both Floyd and Napoleon achieved great fame and success. Napoleon’s bad-ass improv dance earned him a moment in the sun from his schoolmates, and won back the girl of his dreams.

Floyd’s accomplishment, obviously, is winning the Tour de France.

The last commonality between them?  They both were part of mentor-student relationships. Some might say that Pedro was the mentor to Napoleon, what with his wispy mustache, high hopes, and brick-like personality. But Napoleon was the one with the imagination and guts to get the Mexican mime elected.

Floyd, on the other hand, was definitely the student to Lance Armstrong’s mentor. And now that Floyd is using his computer-hacking skills instead of his bike-riding skills, it looks like he’s in need of another mentor. I think Floypoleon will make a great team.