Over at Pardon The Opinion, I have recounted the Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco Top 10 Touchdown Celebrations. Now it’s time to dive head first into the world of wishful thinking.
If LeBron, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh can wow us with their artistry on a 94-foot basketball court, why can’t T.O. and Ochocinco synchronize their spectacular creativity in a 10-yard end zone?
Ignore, for a moment, NFL rules prohibiting such craftsmanship from exposing its beautiful self to our ready-to-be-amazed eyes. Here are a couple of TD celebrations I would be privileged to see.
Joe Horn 2.0
Joe Horn introduced the cell phone to touchdown celebrations when he caught a pass from the oft revered Aaron Brooks. Due to the limitations of the era, Blackberries and iPhones were yet to dominate our lives.
But now that some genius has allowed every idiot to express his frustration at having to mow the lawn through twitter, T.O. and Ochocinco must take advantage.
While I’m sure it has passed through Ochocinco’s mind to tweet a touchdown celebration, I would love to see a T.O. retweet of an Ochocinco tweet from a phone hidden in the field goal padding. Or, even better — a T.O. response via twitter that tags Ochocinco.
A Joe Horn reference in either tweet would be icing on the cake. Twitter has been around too long for something like this not to have happened.
The Vuvuzela
Ochocinco has already hinted that he may bring the famed vuvuzela into play, but T.O.’s arrival allows for an added benefit.
Instead of Ochocinco scoring and then breaking out the horn, the touchdown scorer (either T.O. or Ochocinco) could imitate the Landon Donovan headfirst dive, followed by the other adding to the stadium soundtrack through the vuvuzela.
If that is not to your liking, the tweeting combo can be followed by a vuvuzela blow right in the face of the opposing middle linebacker.
The Pylon
Ochocinco has employed the pylon once before as a golf club. But never before has Ochocinco had the advice of a caddy on the football field. Thus, enter T.O.
After the touchdown, T.O. can collect all four pylons, hold a quick discussion with Ochocinco and choose the appropriate club/pylon.
To continue with the Tiger Woods salute that Chad cemented with a Tiger fist pump, T.O. and Ochocinco can flaunt their high-fiving abilities with an awkward, hand-holding high five that questions both men’s sexuality as opposed to emphasizing the excitement of the moment.
If you are unfamiliar with these Tiger/Steve Williams interactions, check it out here.
The Shoulder Pads
I am not the first to disparage Dez Bryant for his unwillingness to carry Roy Williams’ pads. Not that Roy Williams deserves special treatment, but that’s beside the point.
Hopefully Ochocinco spun this mini-Dallas-training-camp-fiasco into a world-class celebration. And by world class, I mean the following: Post touchdown, Ochocinco proceeds to take off his shoulder pads and hand them to T.O. When T.O. refuses, Ochocinco hurls his pads away and stomps off in frustration.
Only if there was a way to work in Dez Bryant stealing Roy’s starting WR job.
The Albert Haynesworth Commemoration
This one would be for all those unfortunate souls who could not bear witness to the abomination of Albert Haynesworth attempting to pass his conditioning test.
After the touchdown, Ochocinco prepares to sprint across the end zone, sideline to sideline. Meanwhile, T.O. starts him with his imaginary stopwatch. But halfway through his sprint to the other side, Ochocinco would stumble and ultimately collapse, panting and refusing to get up.
Okay, so maybe this is more of a mocking then a celebration, but would you be upset to see this in the end zone on a lovely Sunday afternoon?
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I think all of these would be really funny and I hope that they say to hell with the fines and do something anyway. It almost wouldn’t feel right if they didn’t.
how about T.O. bend over and Ocho Crappo can pretend to give it to him with a pylon. They should just get married now.