DT’s Sports Christmas Wish List For 2011

Santa screwed me.  He didn’t bring me a single thing on my Sports Christmas List.  For the coming year, here is a list of things I want to see happen, with or without Santa’s help.

1-      I want to see the NCAA man up.  The fact that Cam Newton walked away with the Heisman Trophy after his father shopped him around like a dime-store hooker is laughable.  More laughable?  The 5 Buckeye’s suspended for 5 games.  Starting next year.  Think the NCAA had a say in whether or not the starting quarterback, running back, and wide receiver would play in one of the five biggest games of their season?  What a joke.

2-      I wish I would have learned this earlier, but “Sterger” spelled backwards is “Regrets”.  Making fun of Brett Favre’s weiner is funny.  Almost as funny as his on field performances this year.

3-      I hope the Patriots get a hold of Sexy Rexy’s wife’s foot fetish videos and blast them on the JumboTron at Gillette Stadium in the playoffs.  I heard Belichick has some pull with the NFL AV guys, so this may happen.

4-      I wish Lebron James and the Miami Heat stay healthy all year long.  And then get swept in the first round of the playoffs.  And then find out Steve Blake is throwing it to Gloria James.

5-      I hope the San Francisco 49ers win the NFC West with a 7-9 record because I would enjoy seeing a double digit home underdog in the first round of the playoffs.

6-      I hope Mississippi State power forward Renardo Sidney never steps on a basketball court again.  The guy is a colossal waste of talent and a disgrace to collegiate athletes everywhere.

7-      I wish the UConn Lady Huskies would lose.  You aren’t Wooden’s Bruins.  Stop pretending to be.

8-      I wish Michael Vick wouldn’t have said he thinks that he deserves the NFL MVP.  Even if he does, saying so just proves this guy has a long way to go to really “get it”.

9-      I hope Mark Wahlberg’s “The Fighter” is as good as I want it to be.  I also hope I never have to find out if Gwyneth Paltrow’s “Country Strong” is as good as my girlfriend wants it to be.

10-   I wish TCU would have gotten a better draw in their BCS game.  Wisconsin is too big and too physical for an otherwise capable Horned Frogs team.  At least you get to beat up on the Big East moving forward!

11-   I hope Tiger Woods gets back to being Tiger Woods this year.  You strayed.  A lot.  We get it.  Now get your act together and start winning tournaments.  There are plenty of eligible women out there ready to be your rebound skank, and they don’t all work at Perkins. 

12-   I hope that the Carolina Panthers lose out and draft Andrew Luck #1 overall because Jimmy Clausen is terrible.  And so is his alma matter. 

13-   I wish Jason “Mayhem” Miller would step in the octagon with Nick Diaz and get the beating that he has coming to him.  Staying on the MMA train, I’d like to see Georges St. Pierre and Anderson Silva fight at a catch weight sometime soon.

14-   I hope the Arizona Cardinals find a quarterback for the future because Larry Fitzgerald is really really really good and his talents are being wasted in the desert.

15-   I wish that a horse would win the Triple Crown this year.  1978 was a long time ago, and “Affirmed” is a terrible name for the last crown winner.  Give me War Emblem any day of the week, Belmont loss be damned.

16-   I hope the Columbus Blue Jackets make the NHL playoffs because playoff atmosphere, regardless of the sport, is great for a city.

17-   Finally, and most importantly, I hope the NFL doesn’t lock out.  Billionaires arguing with Millionaires hurting the rest of us.  C’mon guys… get it together.  I seriously don’t know what I would do without football next year.