Chris Berman Gets Hollywood Star: Assholes Everywhere Celebrate!

Everyone knows an asshole — their asshole boss, their asshole friend, or maybe their asshole Uncle George.

Unfortunately for these assholes, today one of their own will have his name emblazoned in cement on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. The Hollywood Chamber of Commerce announced that ESPN’s own asshole-in-residence, Chris Berman, is to receive his own star.

Urban Dictionary defines an asshole as follows:

the worst kind of person. You cannot fully construct a meaning that fully encompasses what this vicious insult means. If you’re an asshole, you are disgusting, loathsome, vile, distasteful, wrathful, belligerent, agoraphobic, and more. Assholes are human fecal matter. They are the lowest of the low. They transcend all forms of immorality. It is the very worst of insults; to be called an asshole is to have your very soul ripped apart and shat on. The word “asshole” is the worst cussword of the English language, worse than f**k, s**t, and c**t combined.

Pretty aggressive, no? Now, I don’t think that Chris Berman is the lowest of the low. But as anyone who was seen “Boomer” go apes**t can attest to, he’s an asshole. What is he yelling about? Has HE never worked in TV before? That couldn’t really be the only time in his career that he had to tape with people moving, could it?

In Berman’s defense, he’s a far cry from the biggest asshole in sports. His pre-gaming before having to call a s**tty Jets game bumped him up a few in my book. Having to watch the Jets always makes me wish for some “du-du-dus”!

On the totem pole of sports assholery, he still falls well below Karl Malone, Drew Rosenhaus, and any member of the 1972 Miami Dolphins. There’s still time though, Swami! Get your rant on!