In case you forgot, hockey players know how to party.

After winning the Stanley Cup, the Boston Bruins threw down on some top-top-top-shelf, including a $100,000 bottle of champagne. In all fairness, there are only six of these bottles in the world.

You remember Jay-Z’s drink of choice? Ace of Spades? They got a 30-liter bottle of it. That’s about 40 regular-sized bottles.

Check out the picture of the receipt below. Some highlights:

• $7,460 in tax.
• $4 for a small bottle of Fiji?
• 1 Heineken Light
• $5 for a Red Bull?
• $24,869 in service charges? What the hell is a service charge?! Tips??!!

But I have good news. Some chick decided to flash Sharks player, Ben Eager, while he was in the penalty box, and thankfully, the guys over at The Score have video.

Now I know this might not be the hockey coverage you NHL fans were looking for, but I hope this will do. And if not, then here’s another video that might be more up your alley.

“I think the fairest thing is if everyone took their clothes off.” 

That has got to be the best locker room quote of all time!  And for that you get a JOCKpost SHOUTout! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfgiCCOaIkQ 

Where is Shawn Burr now? 

Shawn Burr is married with children.  Since leaving the puck world of hockey, Shawn Burr has been a wealth management advisor at Morgan Stanley.  He resides in the Detroit area of Michigan. 

Most recent news:  Shawn Burr was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia.

On Wednesday night, curlers Cathy Overton-Clapham and Jennifer Jones took their rivalry to the tube.  Immediately following the curling match on TV was an NHL game between Edmonton and Colorado.

The curling match peaked at more than 1.1 million viewers at one point, so it’s not like there were only 30 people watching it.  The NHL game drew an average of 492,000 viewers.  That’s a thorough ass-kicking.

We Americans have been told for years that hockey is a Canadian sport and that we’ll never get it.  We’ve been told that Canadians are rabid for their hockey and that Americans just don’t understand.  So how do you explain this, hockey fans?

Curling. You lost to curling.  Sorry, women’s curling.

This has got to be a new low for the NHL.

[Slam! Sports]

OK, so you couldn’t really call this a fight.  Rick DiPietro stood there and Brent Johnson knocked him the f**k out.

One left hook to the dome is all it took.  I love at the end of the video when Johnson’s teammates are laughing their balls off.

DiPietro’s frustration is understandable.  His team sucks.  Although next time I think he may be better served to take it out on a pillow.

Click to enlarge

The fourth and final entry in our Fan Maps series is the fan map for the National Hockey League.

This one kind of looks like crap, but if you don’t know anything about hockey, it helps give you an idea of where the teams are located, visually.

There’s so much white space between certain areas, Gary Bettman can’t be too stoked about that.

Last night after winning the biggest game of their lives, the kids decided to have a few drinks.   Apparently they drank so much it carried over into their flight, resulting in the flight crew booting their asses.   

A spokesperson for Delta airlines stated, “To ensure the safe operation of the flight, the crew of Flight 1266 denied boarding to 30 passengers who were traveling together and displaying unruly behavior.  The passengers are being rebooked on a future flight.”  

The bus driver that took them to the airport said, “they were definitely intoxicated, that’s for sure.  They were so drunk they had to carry a couple of them onto the bus.”  The driver said the players were also honking the horn while he was trying to drive.  “I was glad to get rid of them.” 

Let’s keep in mind this is an UNDER 20 TEAM.  If the video below is any indication of how these f**kers act sober, I could only imagine how annoying and obnoxious they are drunk.  We all know Russians like to party (just ask these guys) but Jesus kids, show a little class when you are visiting another country.

This had to be one of the quickest, most brutal fights in hockey history.  It was evident that from the whistle that the red team, Vityaz, was out for blood. 

The bad blood that exists between Vityaz and Avangard is well documented.  Last time they played, too many players were ejected to finish the game.

I’ve heard of rivalries, but this goes way beyond simple competitive hatred.  Because it’s hockey, it gets a free pass.  It happened in Russia (KHL), so it’s not dominating the headlines.  Could you imagine if something like this happened between the Raiders and Chiefs?

Joe Buck would have an aneurgasm.

Rick Rypien of the Vancouver Canucks did lose his temper last night. He was just so upset about getting a penalty called on him, that on his way to the locker room he decided to grab a hold of a fan and shake him furiously. And when I say furiously, I really mean he pussied out, and instead of punching the s**t out of that punk that was clapping in his face, he took the level-headed approach and basically just gave the fan bacon neck.

But now that the fan is apparently taking legal action, I bet he would like the chance to have this opportunity back.

On the other hand, these damn Canadians sure as hell are funny. Jim Carrey, Mike Meyers, the Edmonton Oilers.

After Jordan Eberle, a young up-and-coming player for the Oilers, scored his first NHL goal, but the rest of the team just looked at it as a young showboat trying to steal everyone else’s spotlight – including team captain Shawn Horcoff who went as far as to say that the kid stole a goal from him. But in the end, it all ended up being a joke. You can only pile on so much sarcasm.

What did they think she was going to say?  It’s not like they didn’t make it a point to single her out.

Regardless, she dropped a f**k bomb on live TV while being asked what she thought about the win.  She replied “It’s f**king amazing.”

I don’t believe she opens her eyes throughout the video. 

I just have a feeling that it was premeditated.  Hilarious all the same.

But what makes this story even worthy of getting any attention, is the fact that this 21-year old woman just happens to be this piece of s**t’s daughter.

According to a report, Mr. Hardy “put his hand down [her] shorts and touched her genital area without her permission.”

Dude…your daughter????

I want to start off my upcoming rant by saying that I do not have a daughter. I do not want a daughter, and I feel terrible for any man that has to deal with having a daughter – I couldn’t even imagine how difficult it can be.

But not for one single second did I think that a difficult part of having a daughter would be keeping myself from molesting her – which is what this disgusting asshole is being charged for.

I mean, what kind of prick would really be able to do this to his daughter??!!

First of all, there is no way this could possibly be the first time this has happened. You don’t just all of a sudden get drunk and realize your own f**king daughter is hot and want to grab her ass. If you want a 21-year old chick, go to a bar…there are plenty of drunk sluts available for ex-athletes to take advantage of.

But what makes matters worse is the fact that it just happened this morning!! So unless Hardy is just a raging alcoholic, this horrible act had to have happened while being completely sober.

Not that being drunk would be an excuse, but we’ve all had our mulligans.

And while LeBron and company may not have been the great team that everyone thought they were, there is still something about having such an awesome regular season to only choke when it comes to crunch-time in the playoffs.

Thankfully for LeBron’s sake, this isn’t the first time a team that has had such a great regular season has failed to live up to the hype once it matters.

So here is a top 10 list of the biggest playoff disappointments in sports history.

#10 – 1992 San Francisco 49ers – For all 49er fans, this season was an emotional roller coaster to say the least. Their leader, and possibly greatest quarterback in NFL history, Joe Montana, had been injured for the better half of the past 2 seasons and new QB Steve Young had come in and completely taken over as leader of the best team in the regular season. Young, who won the NFL player of the year while leading the 49ers to a 14-2 regular season, guided an offense that led the league in scoring along with setting numerous offensive franchise records. The 49ers would go on to lose in the NFC Championship to the Dallas Cowboys, in what would be the last season Montana played in a 49ers uniform before being traded to the glorious city of Kansas City. 49ers fans asses haven’t unpuckered since.

#9 – 2006-07 Ohio State Buckeyes Football – From the start of the season, The Ohio State Buckeyes were ranked #1 in the nation, and this continued throughout a dominating 12-0 regular season. The Buckeyes had a Heisman winning QB in Troy Smith, and they had already beaten the #2 team in the nation with a victory over arch-rival Michigan in the last game of the Big 10 season. After an almost 50 day layoff, which included the Heisman buffet tour for Troy Smith, the Buckeyes would go on to lose horribly to the Florida Gators in the National Championship. The Tim Tebow worship hour started shortly thereafter.

#8 – 2008-09 Cleveland Cavaliers – While the 2010 season was an extreme disappointment (THIS WAS YEAR 7 – IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE FUCKING YEAR!!!), it still doesn’t compare to the 2008-09 season where the Cavs had a league leading 66 victories in the regular season. And even though the 2010 roster on paper looked like a team that was ready to make a run in the playoffs, the 2008-09 Cavs had a team chemistry that no other team in the league could match – LeBron wasn’t worried about his teammates boning his mom, Shaq wasn’t in the way slowing the offense down, and Mike Brown didn’t coach like he had no idea what the f**k he was doing. The 2008-09 Cavs would eventually go on to lose to Orlando in the Eastern Conference Finals thus continuing the daily suicide watch of all sports fans in Cleveland.

#7 – 2001 Seattle Mariners – Ken Griffey, Jr. and Randy Johnson were long gone, but the Seattle Mariners were still playing their way to a 116 win season, which is still the American League record. The team had taken on a new identity with 7 different All-Stars including League MVP Ichiro, and the surprisingly powerful Bret Boone (Dude had 141 RBI’s that year – Where the hell did that power come from?). But with this type of season comes a certain responsibility come playoff time – You’re supposed to WIN! Unfortunately, the Mariners fell to the Yankees in the ALCS, and Lou Pinella hasn’t taken a s**t since.

#6 – 2006  Detroit Red Wings – I’m admittedly a casual hockey fan at best, but whenever playoffs come around it seems that Detroit is consistently being mentioned on SportsCenter.  And even though I try to fall asleep for the 30 seconds that they play hockey highlights, I at least know that when you are a #1 seed, and you are playing a #8 seed, you are supposed to dominate. Especially when you are a #1 seed that led the league in points, winning the Presidents Cup by a rather large margin. But as you probably figured out by the way the rest of this list has gone, the Red Wings would lose to the #8 seed Edmonton Oilers in the first round of the Stanley Cup playoffs, forever being remembered as the only hockey team to make this top 10 list – I am sure they will be eternally crushed.

#5 – 1998 Minnesota Vikings – When the Minnesota Vikings took the chance on drafting Randy Moss in the first round, it immediately gave them a weapon that no other team in the NFL had. The 97′ Vikings offense, led by Moss and the best QB in Super Tecmo Bowl Randall Cunningham, not only set the NFL scoring record but they also were only the 3rd team in NFL history to win 15 games. After demolishing the Cardinals in the Divisional round of the playoffs, the Vikings would lose 30-27 to the Falcons in what still has to be one of the most sickening moments for a kicker in league history – a 38 yard field goal after Gary Anderson had made 39 straight.

#4 – 1906 Chicago Cubs – I know what you’re thinking – who gives a s**t about the 1906 Cubs? No one that could have possibly been around in 1906 would be reading this article, but none-the-less I feel the Cubs always need to be on any list that mentions failures, disappointments, or anything of that nature. The 1906 Cubs led the National League with 116 wins, which was an astounding 20 games better than the next best team in the League (The Reds were 51.5 games back in case you were wondering). But we’re talking about he Cubs, so you know they will find a way to f**k it up…and they did. The Cubs would go on to lose to their crosstown rivals, Chicago White Sox, in the first World Series in club history. 2 years later in 1908, the Cubs would win their last World Series, which is then followed by the worst losing streak in sports history.

#3 – 1973-74 UCLA Bruins Men’s Basketball - When you think of bad ass teams in College Basketball history, John Wooden’s UCLA Bruins have to be at the top of that list. The winning streak that the Bruins put together is something that wasn’t even close to being sniffed until the recent dominance of the UConn Lady Huskies. But even though the Bruins had dominated for such a long time, the 73-74 season was the fart that cleared the room. Not only did they finally snap their 88 game winning streak in the regular season, but they would also end their streak of 7 consecutive National Championships when they lost to NC State in the National Semi finals. It was a total buzz kill of a way for Bill Walton to end his Senior year.

#2 – 1991 UNLV Runnin’ Rebels Men’s Basketball - The Jerry Tarkanian led, Runnin’ Rebels, were as awesome of a basketball team to watch as I have ever seen with my own eyes. Larry Johnson, Stacey Augmon, and Greg Anthony were all eventual top 12 picks, and although they were coming off of a National Championship victory the year before, this star-studded of a team couldn’t complete the undefeated season. The Rebels would finish the season with a 34-1 record, with their only loss coming to those c********rs at Duke in the Final Four. It was definitely payback for UNLV crushing Duke the year before in the National Championship 103-73. It is still the largest margin of victory in a championship game.

#1 – 2007 New England Patriots – The 2007 New England Patriots were by far the best offense I have ever seen. And even though they were from Boston, the team was full of people you wanted to root for. Tom Brady, Wes Welker, and Randy Moss would all have career seasons, as the Patriots would be the first and only team to ever finish the regular season 16-0. Patriots fever had caught on throughout the nation, as their winning streak would continue until they reached the Giants and Eli Manning. For the first time all season, the Patriots looked like the inexperienced team, as Bill Belichick and company would lose in the Super Bowl in what is one of the biggest upsets in NFL history. Tom Brady has been miserable ever since.

Admittedly, the unexpected success their hockey team is experiencing is energizing the city, but at times it appears a bit too much.  One hates to imagine what might happen if they keep winning.

Montreal is no stranger to massive celebrations-turned-riots.  Just two years ago, after defeating Boston in a Game 7, fans took to the streets and riot police weren’t far behind.

In 1993, riots and looters consumed the downtown area after winning the Stanley Cup.

Or how about the 1955 Rocket Richard Riot when the city when absolutely apes**t because their best player was suspended?  Montreal loves its hockey like Americans couldn’t understand loving anything.

Can you imagine a city rioting because their best player was suspended.

OK, I could actually see that happening in Cleveland.

The video below looks to be edited highlights from last night’s fervor.  You gotta love the guy climbing up the light post, getting buck-ass naked and seeing the cop coming to bust his ass just a few seconds later. Didn’t quite think that one through, didja?

Please excuse the s**tty, s**tty music.

Either way, if you have a pair of your own, you know this one really hurt. Vancouver Canucks player Sami Salo, standing in front of the goal, gets blasted with a slapshot right in the balls, rupturing one of his testicles (FUCK!).

He immediately hits the deck, writhing in pain. I almost did the same after seeing him hold his stomach — the true telltale sign that this racking hurt like f**k.

In the spirit of rediculousness, Facebook and Twitter pages have been created on behalf of his testicle presumably for comedic reasons.

The only people who would find this funny are people without testes.

It’s come to my attention lately, and by lately I mean the past decade or so, that players in all four major sports are starting to become more and more individually popular.

When you think of the NBA, you think of LeBron, Kobe, etc., not the Cavs, Lakers. The NFL, and MLB would be more of the same if there weren’t so many players on each roster – but even names like Tom Brady and Derek Jeter are still just as if not more important than the names on the front of their jerseys.

Players are becoming so popular, and so egotistically talented, that it makes you wonder why some teams even bother having a Head Coach.

There are many players out there that have just as much knowledge as a lot of their head coaches. They may not have the experience, but with all of the major pro sports changing rules seemingly every year, it might be time for the Player/Coach title to come back into effect.

Here are 4 examples by sport of players that I feel would be excellent Player/Coaches.

LeBron James | NBA | Cleveland Cavs

LeBron James can do anything he wants on the basketball court. It seems as though he can actually see every play happening before it even occurs.

Shaq was even quoted as saying, “His basketball IQ is phenomenal. He could coach in the NBA right now.”

This is coming from a guy who has won 4 championships under some of the greatest coaches in league history (Pat Riley, Phil Jackson).

LeBron has proven that he has the respect and admiration of all of his teammates, the city of Cleveland, and every opposing player in the NBA. If the Cavs told LeBron he could become coach if he stayed in Cleveland, I don’t think the fans or the NBA for that matter would be that shocked.

The only problem would be if LeBron would ever take himself out of the game? Well, that and the fact that the NBA Player’s Union does not allow player/coaches anymore, but f**k it, it’s still fun to think about.

Peyton Manning | NFL | Indianapolis Colts

OK, what does Offensive Coordinator Tom Moore really do anyway?

He might assist Peyton Manning in the offensive game plan, but it is quite obvious who runs the show regarding the Indianapolis Colts’ offense.

Moore and Head Coach Jim Caldwell should both be kissing Peyton’s ass for keeping them their jobs for as long as they have. If Peyton wanted, the Colts would grant him control of the team in a heartbeat.

Much like LeBron and the Cavs, the Colts and Peyton Manning go hand in hand.

If Peyton left the Colts, it would leave them useless for many years to come. I could definitely see coaching in the future for Peyton Manning, but if he chose, that time could be much sooner than everyone thinks.

Albert Pujols | MLB | St. Louis Cardinals

Pujols is without a doubt the best player in baseball. He is the best hitter in baseball, he will win you some Gold Gloves, and he is one of the most respected athletes of our generation.

Now, I realize it takes much more than that to become a baseball manager (or does it?), but not only does Pujols have all the tools from a player standpoint, his background of being multi-cultured is going to be a must for the future of MLB managers.

I heard a stat this morning that 28% of all players in MLB are non-U.S. born, and 48% of players in the minors also fall into the non-U.S. born category – this will require more and more managers to be bilingual.

There is no way Mark McGwire thinks he can help Pujols improve his swing. Tony La Russa is one more DUI away from losing his job, and Pujols is one year away from needing a brand new contract that will not only match that of Ryan Howard’s, but will need to have that little extra.

Maybe that little extra will be a Player/Manager title?

Rick Nash | NHL | Columbus Blue Jackets

Let’s face it. The Blue Jackets stink. The Jackets have been in the NHL for 10 years now, and they have had 1 playoff appearance in which they were swept by the Red Wings.

The fans in Columbus are mostly new to the game of hockey, as most casual hockey fans couldn’t even name half of the players on the Blue Jackets roster (including myself).

Rick Nash is definitely the face of the franchise, which was clearly established with the most recent contract extension that Nash received.

Now that the Jackets are coming off their 4th coaching change in the past 10 years, what better time than just to give Nash the player/captain/coach title?

Hockey players usually only play a minute or two at a time, so being on the bench would not be an issue for the Team Captain. And to be perfectly honest, Nash is from Canada. He has forgotten more about hockey than everyone in Columbus will ever know.

There’s a good chance that none of these theories will ever go through. Coaches are much more than strategists and motivators – they are often the scapegoat of the organization. If these teams began to struggle after making these guys player/coaches, then owners and GM’s would have no one to blame it on but themselves. There might be a good reason that Pete Rose was the last one to hold this title.

I bet next time he stays in the f**kin’ crease.

“We’ve indefinitely suspended the individual that brought the beer into the dressing room and we’ve indefinitely suspended the fella that took the video.” said Lorrie Heggie, who was a spokesperson for the Sask-Can hockey league.

Apparently these guys didn’t pay attention to the mistakes Gordon Bombay made earlier in his career – but even he wouldn’t have brought beer into the locker room after the Mighty Ducks beat Iceland. He might have porked one of the opposing team’s moms, but bring beer into the locker room? No way…

This is especially funny since the Canadian Woman’s Hockey Team just got completely s**t on for being classless by bringing alcohol onto the ice in celebration of their Gold medal.

Supposedly there was a video of the celebration on Youtube, but it has since been taken down by the Canadian Government. (Joking?)

The team I most enjoyed following in the Olympics were the Russians.  Team Russia was one of the heavily favored teams heading into Vancouver, sporting an insanely talented roster which was highlighted by Alexander Ovechkin. 

Ovechkin, a four time All-Star, has won the Kharlamov Trophy (an award given to the Most Valuable Russian Player in the NHL) every year since 2006.  He is a point scoring machine, and is absolutely electrifying on the ice.

Ovechkin is widely considered one of the two best players currently in the NHL, constantly being compared to Sidney Crosby.  Crosby is another young and exciting player that led Team Canada to Olympic gold just months after leading his Pittsburgh Penguins to a Stanley Cup victory.

Ovechkin wanted to make a splash at the Olympics and prove to the world that HE was the man, not Crosby.

Unfortunately for Commie-Nation, Ovechkin and his crew played as individuals in the Olympics and made an early exit from the tournament without even medaling.  Crosby, on the other hand?  Game winning goal in the gold metal game.  Mr. Big Shot.

As a new found hockey fan, I was ok with this.  It gave Ovechkin some time to relax before the second half of the NHL season, where he and his Washington Capitals finished the year with the best record on the league.  Perhaps this Olympic slap in the face would motivate Ovechkin and his team to finally bring home some hardware.

In the NHL playoffs, Ovechkin was primed to shine again.  The best player in the league on the biggest stage that professional hockey has to offer…  The team with the most elite talent in the league ready to win the big game for their big star.

At least that was how it was supposed to go.

Top seeded Washington choked away a 3-1 lead against the eighth-seeded Montreal Canadians, the first time a number 1 seed has ever lost a 2 game lead against a number 8 in the history of the NHL.  This hatchet job shouldn’t come as a surprise to Cap fans; their team has lost a two-game lead in a playoff series SIX TIMES in the last 25 years, each time losing the series in embarrassing fashion.

Credit Montreal goaltender Jaroslav Halak who stopped 131 of Washington’s 134 shots in games five, six, and seven… but don’t discount the fact that the Capitals played more like a group of individuals rather than the team that won the President’s Trophy.  Sound familiar?

In the regular season, the Capitals led the league in power play goal percentage at 25.2%, head and shoulders above the next best team.  In the playoffs however, Ovechkin and crew converted at just 3%.  THREE PERCENT.  That is a very telling stat for a team trying to shake off the “we don’t choke” rap.

While Ovechkin performed very well on an individual level (5 goals, 5 assists, +5), he showed that he may not posses the will and grit to lead his team to victory in crunch time. 

Crosby on the other hand is heading into round 2 of the playoffs with back to back Stanley Cup appearances under his belt, and an Olympic Gold Medal around his neck.  He will be squaring off against the team that just sent Ovechkin on summer vacation, the Montreal Canadians.

As a budding hockey fan, I look forward to watching the evolution of Alexander Ovechkin vs Sidney Crosby and debating it for years to come…

I just hope Ovechkin is ready to join the conversation.

Eric Belanger took a stick to the face last night from Montreal Canadiens’ defenseman Marc-Andre Bergeron and it immediately knocked him to the ice.

On the bench, while receiving some medical assistance, he takes out some gauze and just yanks the tooth out.  It’s painful to think about, let alone watch, but you know you want to watch it anyway.

I know what you’re thinking — HELL YEAH he went back in!

Well that is exactly how they like to party in Slovenia apparently.

Six players from the Slovenian Club Acroni Jesenice have been released after giving a good ol’ fashion ass-whooping to their American coach the night they won the Slovenian League Championship. The American coach, Mike Posma from New Jersey, has also been released from the team and has since returned to America.

The incident occurred after the team and their coach had all been drinking in celebration, but apparently Coach Posma made a 19-year old goalie drive him and the players home, even though the kid was s**tfaced as well. The 19-year old subsequently crashed the car which resulted in the players kicking the piss out of their coach with wooden traffic signs.

Because kicking and punching just wouldn’t suffice in a 6 on 1 fight…Talk about some assholes.

LA Times
Sports Illustrated