Since the nation has been boner-poppin for the last 2 days over Blake Griffin’s love of violent layups, I decided to make a list of my favorite dunks.

Sure, it’s been done a trillion times, but f**k you Internet. This is my list.

Tom Chambers vs Gravity

Mitch Richmond described it best when he said he was already high when he hit Mark Jackson, and he just went higher. Mama there go that man!!

Shawn Kemp vs Alton Lister

Shaq proceeded to immortalize this moment in his hit song,  Where Ya At . Or at least I was convinced that he said something that immortalized this as a kid, and I even lost a bet about the lyrics (around the 0:52 mark). It’s still not a very nice thing to do to someone.

Scottie Pippen vs New York

1. Pound one in Ewing’s grill. 2. Ask him how his Mom is. 3. Tell Spike Lee you KNOW how his mom is. 4. Collect your ring

The most symbolic dunk of all time.

Hakeem Olajuwon vs David Robinson

What’s greater than an Admiral? A Dream.  I had to include the Dream, who is rapidly becoming my favorite player of all time.

Vince Carter vs Some French Dude

I think this dunk was so crazy that the French announcers thought another revolution was happening. If you look closely, you can see Vin Baker being too drunk to even have a proper reaction to what is clearly the greatest dunk of all time.

Michael Jordan vs the Future

Jumpman, motherf**kers.

-Brandon Marshall dominated the Pro Bowl, hauling in six balls for 176 yards, and four scores as the AFC thumped the NFC 59-41.  Credit Marshall for showing up.  I understand it’s a meaningless All-Star game, but watching the offensive and defensive line play patty-cake on every snap was pathetic.  There is a fine line between “playing so nobody gets hurt” and “playing like a middle school powder-puff game”.  The Pro Bowl curb stomped that line like Norton in American History X.

-The NHL All-Star game (There’s an NHL all-star game?) took place over the weekend, With Team Charro… err… Team Chara outlasting Team Alfredsson 12-9.  Twenty one goals by seventeen players and I didn’t recognize a single name of anyone that scored.  Somewhere, Gorgon Bombay is shaking his head at the lack of American talent in the NHL.

-The Miami Heat outlasted the Chicago Bulls, no thanks to notorious choke artist Lebron James.  James had 35 points in the outing, but predictably disappeared in the final minute with the game on the line.  Reigning MVP Derrick Rose came to the foul line down 1 with 22 seconds to play, and clanked both freebies saving Lebron from certain scrutiny had the Bulls pulled out the win in one of the more exciting NBA match ups this season.

-When Lebron was in Cleveland, it took him 227 games to knock down his first game winning shot.  It’s taken Kyrie Irving 19 (Credit for that stat goes to @CavsWITNESS on Twitter).  Irving finished the day with 23 points, 4 boards, 6 assists and a steal, capped off by a game winning shot with two ticks left on the clock as the Cavs beat the Celtics 88-87 in Boston.  All hail King Kyrie?

-Novak Djokovic played tennis with Rafael Nadal for nearly six hours over the weekend.  When all was said and done, Djokovic claimed his third Australian Open title. 

-Rashad Evans bored MMA fans to death as he outlasted Phil Davis in the Octagon over the weekend, winning a majority decision and earning a title shot in the light-heavyweight division.  Next up for Evans is Jon Jones, who is currently under investigation for suspicion of being an Avatar.  Or at least he should be.

-Stoners of the world put down their copies of High Times magazine long enough over the weekend to watch Shawn White notch the first perfect score in X-Games History in the SuperPipe.  White, who seemingly borrowed his pants from a 1980’s hooker, continued his dominance in the world of snow boarding winning gold for a fifth consecutive year. 

-Follow me on Twitter @JockPostDT to discuss prostitutes, the NFL, or anything else on your mind!

-I want to see Alabama and LSU to play the most BORING game in the history of the BCS, forcing that sham of a system to crumble.  This one shouldn’t be a stretch…

-I want poor Chris Paul to find a home.  Though I believe he is SUPREMELY overrated, being jerked around the way that he is doesn’t seem fair.  “Hey Chris, you’re a Laker… just kidding, you’re a Hornet…  I mean you’re a Clipper… err… still a Hornet… oh and a Clipper again.”  What a joke.

-I’d like to see the Cleveland Browns training staff explain why they felt that quarterback Colt McCoy didn’t need a full concussion test after this hit.  I needed a concussion test from just watching Colt get crushed by that criminal.

-Speaking of criminals… I’d love to see these animals prosecuted.  This thuggery has absolutely no place in college sports.  Think their scholarships will be suspended?  They should be.

-I’d like to see Peyton Manning get healthy.  I’m not used to watching the Colts play this bad.

-I want to sit down with the NBA owners and let them know that they are doing it wrong.  Locking out the players because you’re losing money, and then turning around and handing Kwame Brown $8 million this year is a travesty.  How did you peabrains become billionaires?

-I would love to see Albert Pujols flounder with the Angels.  I don’t care that you didn’t hold an obnoxious press conference with Jim Grey, when you leave a city that loves you for a city that couldn’t care less about their sports franchise, you become Baseball Lebron.  You rat.

-I’d like Michael Phelps to lay off the hippie-lettuce.  2012 Summer Olympics are right around the corner…  USA!  USA!  USA!

-I would like to see Buster Posey, Stephen Strausburg, and Adam Wainwright bounce back next season.  These three are solid young stars that make the game more fun to watch.  And don’t cheat.  I’m looking at you, Ryan Braun.

-I’d like to see the Packers go 16-0 and win the Super Bowl.  Mainly because I am a minority owner in the franchise.  Go Pack Go!

-I don’t even want Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather to fight anymore.  Who cares?  Losers.

-I’d like to see some justice for these creeps that are accused of molesting children.  Seriously… what is wrong with these freaks?  Maximum sentences all around.

-I don’t want Andrew Luck to be as good as advertised.  I want him to be better.

-I want the Miami Heat to suck.  Like… REALLY bad.

-I want Ndomukong Suh and James Harrison to fight in a steel cage match.  Loser leaves the NFL forever.  Winner gets staph infection.

-I never want Tim Tebow to leave the spotlight.  I know he is a total cheese dick.  I know he doesn’t have the throwing mechanics that Mel Kiper jerks off to.  I know he rubs some people the wrong way…  but he is the best.  He is television gold, and he is fun to watch.  If you don’t root for Tim Tebow, you don’t root for America.  Stop being a communist.

I went with my family to The Richfield Coliseum to cheer on Mark Price and Larry Nance for my 7th birthday.  I made my mom buy me a Brad Daugherty shirt that I wore to school twice the next week.

I forced my roommates to watch the slam dunk and three point contests in college.  We made a drinking game out of it. Like Larry Legend, I left the warmups on too.  I don’t remember who won either of the night’s events… but my hangover assured me that I didn’t.

I took a first date to “The Q” to watch Lebron and the boys a few years back.  I spent the entire night ignoring her, and explaining how Lebron was the one who was going to break the Cleveland Curse.  She didn’t answer my calls over the next week.  Crash and burn.  I guess that should have been a sign of things to come…

Hell, I even bought a “Wrong Way” Ricky Davis Jersey.  I loved everything about the National Basketball Association, but all of that has since changed.  It has shifted.  Soured. 

The NBA is reportedly set to cancel two more weeks of its upcoming season, and I for one could not care less.  The blame game is being played across the nation, but I am here to tell you that this is unequivocally the players fault.

The main talking point that the players are unwilling to move on is that they REFUSE to accept a 50/50 split of basketball operations.  In short, 12 players per team do not feel that it is acceptable to split the earnings in half with the rest of an organization that employs hundreds or perhaps thousands of people.

Furthermore, these 12 NBA players per team have absolutely zero vested interest in the company.  They have not risked a single dime of their own money.  They’ve nothing to lose.  The owners buy these teams for millions and millions of dollars and run every aspect of them year round.  They get no offseason.  What gives these dozen players the gall to demand significantly more than half?

Save your argument of “they are the talent.”  That’s a horse s**t argument.  Without the owners to organize and manage a profitable league, most NBA players are little more than 6’8” bellhops.    All the basketball talent in the world can’t run successful business.  Just ask these guys.

Every Tuesday, I drive downtown to play basketball.  I do it because it is a game, and I enjoy it.  The average NBA player is paid nearly 5 million dollars a year to do the same exact thing.  Over 400 thousand dollars a month to play a child’s game.

Here’s another reason that the players are wrong… they need this WAY more than the owners.  As Patrick Ewing famously said “We make a lot of money but we spend a lot of money”.  The average player may not have enough stocked away to continue his current lifestyle, but I assure you most owners do.  Christmas is right around the corner.  Think those Basketball Wives will be ok with no presents this year?  They seem reasonable.

The players selfishness is hurting not only themselves and their loved ones, but all of the workers in the arenas too.  Not to mention all of the bar and restaurant owners that need the NBA traffic to survive.  The NBA “union” is the single most laughable concept on the planet.

Notice to the NBA players: If you were a true “union”, when the ticket takers went on strike you wouldn’t cross the picket line.  Scabs. 

As if public perception wasn’t bad enough, Chris Paul went on record as saying the players WEREN’T greedy and Tyson Chandler openly called the NBA owners “dictators” on ESPN radio.  Someone get these morons a muzzle.  Hank Williams Jr. thinks you sound like an idiot. 

If you ask me, even a 50/50 split is preposterous.  That’s how guys like Rashard Lewis and Gilbert Arenas get paid $20 million a year.  But if that is the number than needs agreed upon to get the ball bouncing again, the players need to pull their heads out of their asses and get the deal done.

Or don’t.  I don’t really care.

Follow me on Twitter @JockPostDT to discuss the lockout, Basketball Wives, or anything else sports related.

Earlier this week, Lebron James tweeted “Just got done practicing with the St. V Varsity football team, full pads and all.. Felt great being back on the field. Should I?”

Should you what, Lebron?

Is this tweet implying that Lebron James is contemplating an NFL try out, if the NBA season gets cancelled?

When will that pompous, loudmouth blow-hard learn? Apparently never, as James hasn’t recognized that when you make outlandish claims and fail to deliver, it comes with many consequences… not 5… not 6… not 7…

Those who have read this site before know that I detest Lebron James more than any other human being on this planet. When Casey Anthony got away with murder, I shrugged it off… but when Lebron’s press conference ended and The Heatles were formed, I lost a grip.

The way that he mismanaged his departure from Cleveland has been written about more times than can be read. The negative backlash that Lebron receives night in and night out isn’t enough, and there will NEVER be a way for him to earn my forgiveness.

Well… maybe there’s one way.

I acknowledge that Lebron’s tweet was probably sent in jest… but what if it wasn’t? What if he is just bat-s**t crazy enough to think he can compete in the NFL? What if I’m bat-s**t crazy enough to agree with him?

Despite all the venom that I have coursing through my veins towards him, there is no denying that Lebron James is a physical specimen. Had Michelangelo been born 500 years later, “The David” would be no more. We would only know “The Lebron.”

6’8”, 250 pounds with the leaping ability that would make Calvin Johnson blush. Lightning fast with enormous hands, Lebron James in a football uniform would be as unstoppable as Denzel’s train. A nightmare mismatch, Antonio Gates mixed with Andre Johnson sprinkled with some Randy Moss.

Lebron James would build a tiki bar and set up a hammock on Revis Island.

Lebron, we all heard your half-hearted apology. We didn’t buy it. Your words are hollow and empty. Want to get back on everyone’s good graces?

Don’t say. Do.

Make that Nike commercial a reality and put on that beautiful orange helmet. Come back to Cleveland, but this time lead the city’s most beloved franchise. The Cavs have always been the red headed step child. Sure, we love them… but not the way we love the Browns.

With the Browns, it’s different. It’s deeper.

Bring the Lombardi Trophy home to Cleveland and you’ve got a clean slate in Cleveland as far as I’m concerned. We’ll call it even. Hell, I’ll even take back all the bad stuff I wrote about you.

Make your tongue-in-cheek tweet a reality, and join the NFL in the city that you scorned. You’ve always spoke of being a global icon. This is your shot. Leave the NBA, a league that won’t even be missed if there is a lockout, and join the most captivating professional sports league in the world.

Save the floundering franchise in Cleveland the way you started to 8 years ago. Dominate the shores of Lake Erie and win back the love and admiration of a fan base that treated you like their own son.

And don’t worry about the 4th quarter…

…Colt’s got that covered.

Throughout the years, Michael Beasley has brought his fair share of baggage on the flight.

If it wasn’t weed, or possible NCAA infractions, it was weed. I’ve got no issue with him, as long as he brings it on the court. Sometimes, he turns it on and takes over a game. When he’s doing that, he is a lot of fun to watch.

That was a lot easier to do in college. As a #2 overall pick, you’d have to label him a disappointment so far. I had high hopes for him coming out of Kansas State, and landing in Minnesota is equivalent to being shipped out to Guantanamo.

People have been bagging on him for a while. He gives hecklers so much ammo, you’d think he’d learn at some point to shut out the noise. It really is that simple. You can not — and will not — hear it.

A heckler apparently went too far at some kind of exhibition at a place called Dyckman Park.

He walked up to the guy, pushed his face and did some kind of look-to-the-side-I’m-really-cool-face that made me a little sick. Why is he making it so hard to like him? He’s acting like a douche.

“I don’t know what transpired to make that happen,” Dyckman executive director Kenny Stevens said of the incident. “All I know is that if you’re a professional, you have to be a professional all the time.”

“He put his hands on me, I didn’t touch him,” said the heckler, Garland Quince, who should have pressed charges. “I was just telling him I was a Kevin Durant fan. Kevin Durant is my favorite player.”

Hey, me too! I guess the heckler and I have more in common than I thought.

With nothing much going on in both the NBA and the NFL, players have decided to keep their brand alive by making some delightfully awkward videos.

The self-deprecating humor is well delivered and well deserved.

Basically, the video is set up like an infomercial, advertising special skills the players have.

What are some of the jobs they are willing to do?

Blake Griffin will come to your house and get things that are on high shelves. Kevin Love smashes flies on ceilings for frail old men.

Mowing lawns, carpentery and even welding! No task is too big — or too small. Each task costs only $9,000,000.00!

Tyson Chandler will help teach you how to get women to have sex with you.

Adrian Peterson is a professional beekeeper. Who knew?

The best part of the video is at the end when Ron Artest/Metta World Peace pokes fun at himself and his name change.

It’s awesome when Ron Artest has a little fun. Everybody wins.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1xF8Alvv7o&feature=player_embedded#

1.  One year later, was Miami Lebron’s best option?

-Absolutely not.  Lebron James went from one of the most beloved sports figures in history to one of the most hated, virtually overnight.  In addition, Miami just wasn’t a good fit.  Lebron’s game mirrors that of Dwyane Wade in the fact that both players need the ball in their hands to be their most effective.  The same could be said for Lebron and Derrick Rose, so Chicago was not the best choice either.  For Lebron, the only decision was to stay in Cleveland.  With a long term commitment, Dan Gilbert could have made the moves that needed to be done to bring home a title.  Those of you that don’t agree, please see: Nowitski, Dirk.

2.  One year later, where would the Cavs be if Lebron never left?

-The best regular season team in the Eastern Conference for the third consecutive year.  With JJ Hickson a year more mature, the Celtics a year older, and the Bulls still a year too young, they would have reached the NBA Finals, and likely been rolled up by Dallas.  But they would have been there with a punchers chance.  And ask the Mavericks what a team can do with a punchers chance.

3.   One year later, should the Heat have signed a different “Big 3”?

-This is a terrible question.  The Heat signed the two premier free agents in the off season to compliment DWade.  On paper, it was the best decision.  In reality, they should have let Chris Bosh stay in Canada and used that cash to sign free agents that weren’t older than dirt.  (Juwan and Zydruna, I’m looking at you.)  Also, Eddie House sucks.

4.   One year later, what should have Lebron done differently?

-Everything.  Lebron should have let the Cavaliers know his decision before Jim Grey and the rest of us.  He shouldn’t have worn that hideous purple shirt on TV.  He shouldn’t have used the phrase “taking my talents to South Beach”.  He shouldn’t have made that insulting “woe is me” Nike commercial.  He shouldn’t have babbled about winning 7 championships.  He shouldn’t have done “The Decision” to begin with… but he did.  And I’m glad he did.  Had Lebron left with grace and with tact, then he would have been much harder to root against.  Lebron made it easy for us to hate.  Not just Cleveland, he made it easy for America to hate.

5.   One year later, will we ever forget “The Decision”?

-Certainly not.  Public Relations companies will use this as a case study on what NOT to do.  Players will watch the tailspin in likability of James and learn from his monumental mistakes.  ESPN will think twice about putting such garbage on the air.  “The Decision” reached beyond the average basketball fan.  It was personal.  People with no connection to Lebron James now detested him.  Despised him.  Refused to say his name.  Such a Voldamortian reaction to where one man will play a game is something that will not, and should not be forgotten.

The Smashing Pumpkins are coming out with their 9th studio album, Oceania, and apparently Kareem is their new spokesperson or some s**t. It’s not a funny video. Hell, it really isn’t even one bit entertaining (I know you want to watch it now). But I’ll be damned if there isn’t a better chance that I pick up this new album when it comes out.

But the question is still open, why exactly is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar dunking basketballs to promote the upcoming Smashing Pumpkins album? I don’t see Kareem being in the Billy Corgan/Pumpkins fan club, but at the same time, maybe it’s just one bald dude looking out for another one.

Or maybe Kareem is just weird. Yeah, I’m gonna go with that.

I mean, there’s no way a team would want him after he brought a gun into the locker room, right. Right?!

Unfortunately, this tool is still in the league. And as much as I hate paying attention to this turd, sometimes he does something so stupid it’s hard not to make fun.

He’s at it again. Unsurprisingly on Twitter, the playground for people who love themselves some foot in mouth.

It’s kind of hard to tell, but apparently he attended a baseball game, ate some nachos and hot dogs and got real bored. He also longs for the good ole days of locker room ass injections.

He tweeted:

Thank you, Gilbert Arenas. We were bored too. It’s people like you who keep my job easy. Keep on Tweetin’.

Atlanta – C.  Second round pick in Keith Benson.  Yawn.

Boston – A.  The Boston Boiler Makers?  Taking JaJuan Johnson and E’Twaun Moore, both of Purdue, fill a few voids.  Johnson is one of the more underrated players in the draft and both Big 10 standouts will contribute to an already capable team.

Charlotte- B+.  Kemba was a steal but Bismack Biyombo would have been there had they been able to trade down. 

Chicago- C.  A draft not worth mentioning.

Cleveland – C.  Kyrie is the point guard of the future, but drafting Tristan Thompson 4^thoverall was a knee-jerk reaction to Enes Kanter going off the board at pick 3.  Passing on Cleveland native David Lighty in the second round in favor of a power forward that may never step foot in the states is mind numbing.

Dallas – A.  Only because they beat the Heatles.  Suck it, Lebron. 

Denver – A+.  Kenneth Faried is a hurricane of hustle and Jordan Hamilton was an absolute gift falling as far as he did.  Phenomenal draft for the Nuggets.

Detroit – B.  The pick was great, but Brandon Knight looked like his mother got run over by a horse-and-buggie after Detroit called his name.  Body language suggests Knight is about as excited about going to Detroit as Eli was when he was drafted by the Chargers. 

Golden State – B.  Klay Thompson fits in well with new coach Mark Jackson.  Mama, there go that man!

Houston – B+.  Marcus Morris can fill it up, and as far as Euro’s go… your guess is as good as mine on Donatas Montiejunas.  His name is fun to say, so he’s got that going for him.

Indiana -  F.  Trading Kawhi Leonard to San Antonio for a back up point guard?  Awful.  Absolutely awful.  Worst move of the night.

LA Clippers – F-.  Drafting Trey Thompson in the second round was a nice pick, but this grade is soley based on the Clippers missing out on the first overall pick for trading it to Cleveland for Jamario Moon.  That is a true story.

LA Lakers – A-.  Offensively, Darius Morris gives the Lake-show a guard that can score and they didn’t have to overpay for him.

Memphis – C.  People are swooning over Josh Selby.  I am not one of those people.

Miami – C-.  Drafting a point guard doesn’t do a team much good when they pay their biggest superstar a max contract to pass to anyone and everyone in the fourth quarter.  It’s a shame too, because Norris Cole is a fine player.

Minnesota – D.  That’s right, a D.  Save it.  Until Derrick Williams can prove to me that he isn’t Michael Beasly (who, ironically, he will be backing up), this pick was bad.  Should have moved it.  Another poor move by an inept front office. KAAAAAAHHHHNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

New Jersey – B+.  Marshon Brooks is a nice fit with the young Nets team, and they got him in a nice spot. 

New Orleans – Nothing to write about here, so look at this funny website instead. 

New York – F.  Terrible pick, would have been there late in the second round.  Did someone bring Isiah back?  Iman Shumpert sounds like a character that Neville Longbottom would roll with at Hogwarts.

Oklahoma City – F.  Reggie Jackson doesn’t fill any of the holes the OKC has.  After a string of successful drafts, I expected more from this squad.

Orlando – C.  I’ll be honest.  This grade was a guess.  I’ve never heard of DeAndre Liggins in my life.

Philadelphia – B+.  Yes, Nikola Vucevic is a Euro but he is also 6’10” and the Sixers need a big man.  This helps the cause.

Phoenix – D.  Phoenix stinks at defense and the other Morris brother isn’t going to fix that.

Portland – B.  Nolan Smith is a great fit with the Blazers, and this team is going to be solid next year.  Make room on the Portland bangwagon for 2012.

Sacramento – F.  Jimmer?  JIMMER?!?!?!  He will sell tickets for about half of a season, and then everyone will realize he stinks.  Fail.

San Antonio – A+.  Kawhi Leonard is awesome. 

Toronto – D.  Jonas Valanciunus won’t play next year in the USA.  Maybe he won’t the year after.  Also, did you see that broad plant a kiss on him after he was drafted?  If Jonas is 7’, this broad must be 6’8”.  Someone call the WNBA and get this chick a try out.  If the WNBA still exists.

Utah – B.  Enes Kanter is the enigma of the draft, and I am not an Alec Burks guy… but both could surprise.  Unfortunately, the team still needs a long term answer at point guard.

Washington – A+.  Smiles all around in our Nation’s capital.  Vesely’s athleticism on the offensive end and Singleton’s play on the defensive end will help this team immediately.

He was asking the judge to remove Mark Cuban from his position before the team had lost all of its value.

In response to the allegations, Mark Cuban filed visual evidence supporting the fact that he is, in fact, a good owner.

What was the evidence? Pictures of the team’s victory celebrations.

That, my friends, is a legal pimp slap. Click here to view the actual court documents.

Seriously, who the hell are these guys?

A short list of #1 overall draft picks reads like this: Oscar Robertson, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Bill Walton, Magic Johnson, Hakeem Olajuwon, David Robinson, Shaquille O’Neal, Allen Iverson, Tim Duncan, LeBron James, and Derrick Rose.

Is there any doubt that no one in this draft will ever come close to achieving 1/3 of what the guys above have?

Kyrie Irving has got to be the least exciting #1 pick of all time. I hear he’s a fine player. Yay.

“Tweener” Derrick Williams was selected to waste his formative years in Minnesota. He doesn’t even have a real position.

Then we take a middle school journey to Europe for the next 15 picks. More fun. Enes Kanter, Jonas Valanciunas, Jan Vesely, Bismack Biyombo… Snore.

You’d think that with the 1st and 4th picks the Cavs would have come up smelling like roses. Not this year. With the 4th pick, they got Tristan Thompson, a “high-motor” guy, an offensive rebounder who blocks shots.

That’s the kind of guy you take in the second round.

No one knows any of these guys. Brandon Knight, Kemba Walker, Jimmer Fredette. There you go. That’s it.

It’s kind of funny that the Morris twins got selected back-to-back.

I say we come back to this post here one year from now, and see if any of these guys pan out to be worth a damn.

I sure as hell don’t see an all star anywhere in the list. For entertainment’s sake, I sure as hell hope I’m wrong.

Cleveland Cavaliers.  Kyrie Irving.  Coach Byron Scott needs a solid young point guard to run his offense, and Irving gives Scott just that.  Despite playing just a handful of games in college, Irving is considered by many to be the top player in this years draft and should contribute immediately for the wine and gold.

Minnesota Timberwolves.  Derrick Williams.  My sources, i.e. ESPN.com, tell me that Minnesota is shopping this pick like an Orange County Housewife on Saturday afternoon, but if they can’t find a partner to dance with they will roll with Williams.  And that isn’t a bad thing at all. 

Utah Jazz.  Brandon Knight.  Devin Harris is not the answer at point guard, and Knight gives them a solid player for years to come. 

Cleveland Cavaliers.  Enes Kanter.  Kanter has been described as Bigfoot.  Plenty of stories about the beast but sitings are few and far between.  Sources say the Cavs are looking to trade this pick for an established player but if they can’t, then Irving and Kanter would give the Cavs a duo of young players to be the cornerstone of Dan Gilbert’s rebuilding project.

Toronto Raptor.  Kemba Walker.  Steal of the draft, who will prove to be a more formidable point guard than either of the two drafted before him.  Battle tested, Walker will lead Toronto back to the playoffs in the next few years.

Washington Wizards.  Jan Vesely.  Offensively, Vesely is a nice fit for the Wiz, a young athletic team.  Pairing him with John Wall gives our nation’s capital something to smile about.

Sacramento Kings.  Kawhi Leonard.  My favorite player in the draft stays in California but moves a few hundred miles up to coast to help the floundering Maloofs sell tickets. 

Detroit Pistons.  Bismack Biyombo.  Ben Wallace 2.0.

Charlotte Bobcats.  Marcus Morris.  A safe pick for the ‘Cats, Morris will be a fine NBA rotational player.

Milwaukee Bucks.  Alec Burks.  **Bust Alert**

Golden State Warriors.  Jonas Valanciunus.  The Warriors need a big man.  The Lithuanian center stands at 6’11, and that is where his upside stops.  Contract problems and lack of flare on the offensive end screams bust for Valanciunus.

Utah Jazz.  Jimmer Fredette.  I know they took a PG at 3, but keeping Jimmer in Utah is like Mormon porn for these virgins.  Jimmer sells tickets and puts butts in the seats in Salt Lake City.  Fredette-About-It.

Phoenix Suns.  Tristan Thompson.  Solid player out of Texas, would contribute in Phoenix with their run and gun offense.  Could prove to be the most productive rookie in the class this year.

Houston Rockets.  Markieff Morris.  Sorry you missed out on his more talented brother, Houston.  Same goes for anyone that has worked with Daniel, Billy or Stephen.

Indiana Pacers.  Marshon Brooks.  Senior shooting guard out of Providence shoots lights out and you know Larry Legend can get on board with that.

Philadelphia 76ers.  Nikola Vucevic.  Another euro big man.  Where are all the 7’ Americans?  Can we not produce them?  I blame McDonalds.  The lack of quality nutrition in our diets has deprived us of the sustenance to keep up with our over-seas brothers.  Mix in a salad, pre-teens.

New York Knicks.  Klay Thompson.  **Shooter Alert**.  Pair this guy with Carmello, Amare and (allegedly) Chris Paul and Coach Mike D’Antonio has another weapon on the offensive end.

Washington Wizards.  Tobias Harris.  His game is as bland as his name.  Tobias.  Blah.

Charlotte Bobcats.  Chris Singleton.  Lock down defender gives Charlotte a much needed upgrade on the defensive end.

Minnesota Timberwolves. Tyler Honeycutt.  UCLA swingman gets up and down with the overhauled high-octane Ricky Rubio lead juggernaut offensive.  I chuckled when I wrote that.

If you want to go deeper than 20 picks into this mediocre draft, more power to you.  I sure as hell don’t.

Outside the state of Ohio, the Miami Heat gained a s**t-ton of followers in their pursuit of not 1, not 2, not 7 championships.  Oh how the tides have turned now that Dallas has spoiled their little party.  This was supposed to be the year Lebron and Bosh finally won a championship and began their dynasty with Dwyane Wade. 

If there is to be an NBA season next year the Heat have got to be worried.  This may have been the easiest road they are ever going to have in their pursuit for multiple championships. 

They began with “breakfast” in the 76ers, which might as well have been my little brother’s pee- wee team in the first round.  The Heat’s “lunch” consisted of the original big three in Boston that will be filing for social security after this season. “Dinner”, or the Bulls, could have been competitive had Carlos Boozer and Luel Deng shown up. Unfortunately for Miami, they had nothing left for dessert in the Dallas Mavericks. 

At the beginning of the playoffs if you would have asked the Heat who they would rather play, the Mavs, Spurs, Lakers, or Thunder, I think it would have been unanimous for the Mavs.  After all, Dallas had been there before with a “soft” Dirk Nowitzki and blew a 2-1 series lead.  Why would it be different this time with players that are 4 years older?  The Heat SHOULD have taken care of them handily after taking a 2-1 lead, but didn’t.  They let their egos get in the way of what they set out to do in the first place.  Once they realized the Mavs were not going to roll over and die, it was over before the big two and a half even knew what hit them. 

Look at the years to come now.   They have created the need for other “super teams” to be created. 

New York has already begun the process with Amare and Carmello.  The rumors were out that Chris Paul would be joining them, which would instantly make them the second best team in the East, behind Miami.  Then there is Chicago, the sneaky #1 seed of this season.   Derek Rose is only going to get better, which is damn scary, and with a couple good roster moves the Bulls could keep that #1 seed for years to come.  Atlanta will continue to be that pesky team, starving for another upset, and the Celtics will still be competitive, despite their age, they are winners.  That is just in the East division! 

If they somehow make it through that gauntlet what awaits are the likes of a young, athletic, Thunder team that showed they belong with the elite, a Laker team that is on the verge of signing Dwight Howard (Shaq clone), the Mavericks, who will be out to prove this year was not a fluke, and I’ll mention the Spurs for the simple fact they are the Spurs. 

So Miami, you may be only one season into this horrible experiment, but it may be time to get your hand near that panic button.  Just sayin’…

For once, the good guys won.

No one can deny the ratings were through the roof. Love him or hate him, people love to watch LeBron James. He has become a lightning rod for human emotion.

The pictures below are just a small sampling of what can be found online, as everyone with an unlicensed copy of Photoshop lines up to take their shots at the Heat.

And why not? Those cocky, prematurely celebrating assholes deserve it.

Oops.

You said it yourself…  Karma is a bitch.

The championship ring that you missed out on this season would have been as meaningless and as hollow as the soul that you sold on July 8, 2010 to achieve it.

You are no champion, and you proved it again this year.

A champion is the kind of person that many aspire to be.  A leader.  You don’t fall into that category.  If there were a scale to measure “Leaders of Men”, you’d fall firmly between Louis Tully and C-3PO.

The conversation has been brought up insinuating that you may be the greatest to ever play this game.  Better than Michael.

You aren’t.  You won’t ever be.

Sure, you have the physical tools to be the most dominant player in the league, but your legacy has already been written.  You have shown your hand again and again, and proven yourself unworthy of such high praise.  You have a proverbial scarlet letter sewn on everything you will wear for the rest of your life, but unlike Hester Prynne, your’s won’t say “A”, it will say “Q”.

Quitter.

You don’t have the make up to win like Michael did.  You played second fiddle.  You rode coattails.  You did what you do best in big games… you watched.

Scottie Pippen is wrong, and must suffer from a Jordan inferiority complex.  Either that or Scottie was so high off peyote that he didn’t realize what he was saying.

You aren’t the best.  You aren’t close.  You don’t deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence as Michael.  Not even Michael on the Wizards.  Maybe Michael on the Barons.

You’re a joke.

And it bothers you.  It bothers you that the city that called you it’s King for seven years despises you.  It bothers you that the hate has spread throughout the country, and you are now jeered rather than cheered everywhere outside of South Beach.  This didn’t go that way that you planned, and it eats away at your insides.

Why else would you take shots at your former teammates at every given opportunity?

“I wanted to team up with some guys that would never die down in the moment”.

Yeah?  So did the Cavs in game 5 last year.

So did the Heat this year, you spineless amoeba.  You coward. 

You quitter.

Winning an NBA title is the beacon of light that professional basketball players kill themselves to achieve their entire career.  To come out and say you’ll win “not 1, not 2, not 3…” titles is a slap in the face to every pioneer that has blazed this trail before you.  To think that it would be this easy makes a mockery of all the hard work and all the sacrifice of the great players that never won a title. 

Your misguided feelings of entitlement is one reason that everyone hates you. 

All of the malicious tweets.  All of the professional criticism.  A blogger embarrassing you on the podium.

It’s coming from everywhere.  You’ve got no place to hide.

Especially not at home.

At home, you aren’t welcomed anymore.  At home, you aren’t praised.  Your accolades and your banners and your trophies don’t matter.  At least not at home.

The city of Cleveland yearns for a champion to call its own.  It has for decades, and you were supposed to be the one to deliver it.  The Chosen One.  The King.  The one to break the curse.

But you didn’t.  You couldn’t.

So you brought your talents to South Beach.  In the situation that you concocted, you will probably win a title.  Nobody can dispute that possibility.  So we sit back and watch, as Cleveland waits for someone, anyone, to lead it to the promise land. 

It will happen. 

And when it does, it will mean something.  It will be special.  Not like this mockery you’ve created in Miami.  Not like this sham.  It will be genuine.  And while your name may reach the record books before ours…

…at least our Mom didn’t sleep with Delonte West.

Watching this year’s NBA Finals, I now understand that phrase and it has never been more clear to me that Dirk Nowitzki plays the game the way it’s supposed to be played, both on and off the court.  How else would he play, you ask?  See: James, Lebron.

In 2006, Dirk Nowitzki lead his Dallas Mavericks to the NBA Finals, and was sent home by Shaquille O’Neal’s Miami Heat.  Alongside Dwyane Wade, Antoine Walker, and Alonzo Mourning, the Heat’s firepower was thought to be too much for Dirk and the Mavs.  And it was.

After the loss, Dirk had a decision to make.  He could pack up his stuff and take his talents to greener pastures.  He could have signed with LA or San Antonio and team up with another superstar in hopes of winning a ring, rather than trying to get it done with a group of role players.

He didn’t.  He stayed in Dallas and remained loyal to his owner, Mark Cuban, who loves Dirk like a son. 

Fast forward to this season.

The names change, but the game remains the same.  Dallas vs Miami.  It’s Dirk and his band of average Joe’s against The Big 3.  Nobody gave the Mavs a shot.  The Heat, once again, have too much firepower.  They called for a sweep.

This time, things might end a little different and it has everything to do with Dirk Nowitzki.

Coming into game 6, the Mavs hold a 3-2 series lead, and Dirk is one win away from immortality.  Most impressively, he is doing it the way it is supposed to be done.  Not by piggybacking on someone else’s greatness, but by writing his own destiny.  By putting his teammates on his back, and willing the men that believe in him to victory.

Jason Terry showed up big in game 5, but had been a ghost in the previous 4.

Brian Cardinal spends more time on the floor than a Tijuana hooker.

Jason Kidd is an absolute offensive liability.

Dirk doesn’t care.  He is less concerned with the performance of the people around him, and more concerned with winning. 

He recognizes that this is HIS team, and he basks in that.  As Dirk goes, the Mavs will follow.  The way that it is supposed to be done. 

This series is far from over, and the Heat could easily win two in a row in Miami and bring the title to South Beach.  It won’t matter.  The story from these finals have already been written. 

The stories were written when Dirk came out and dropped 34 with a busted finger and then lead his team to victory with a 102 fever.  Hell, the story was written in 2006 when Dirk made the decision to stay home.

At the beginning of the series, the talking heads in the media were talking about a particular player in this series being one of the greatest of all time.  The chosen one.  And they were right.  Someone from this series has emerged as something special, but it’s not who the media had thought. 

Win or lose, one of the best players in NBA History is showcasing his talents on the biggest stage.  He is not shrinking under the weight of the moment.  He is doing it the way that it is supposed to be done.

…and we are all witnesses to Dirk.

It was scary, clumsily performed, and it was a little embarrassing. Not unlike how Cavs fans felt following last year’s Game 5 debacle against Boston in the conference semi-finals. And, like your aforementioned virgin ass, the 2^nd time it happened was MUCH better! 

Cavs fans, and decent human beings the world over, were higher than a giraffe’s ass following LeBron’s 2^nd Annual Playoff Magic Show. How do you make the most talented basketball player on the planet disappear? Tell him it’s a big moment. 

Last year against Boston, James was merely a warm body for the entire first 3 quarters, not making his first bucket until there were 5 minutes left in the 3^rd. 

This year, he has a total of 4 points in the 4^th quarters. That’s plural, as in multiple games. 4 of them to be exact. I’d say game 4 was the worst I’ve ever seen him play, but it’s hard to remember him even playing.  And while his production level is almost intolerable, his effort was downright inexcusable. Watch the replay of Dirk’s layup to win it and look at LeBron. He looks like a new species of tree, growing roots right there on the baseline of American Airlines Arena.

If last year is any indication as to how James will bounce back, he will coast upon his limitless potential to a statistically superior game. Game 6 of the Boston series last year saw James post possibly the weakest triple-double in NBA history. He was clearly uninterested in the outcome of the game, and it infected the rest of the team, as they put forth one of the more gutless playoff efforts in competitive sports.

James says he is ready for Game 5 tonight, calling it the biggest game of his life. He had better be ready, because the more he vanishes on the court, the brighter the lights will shine off it.

The Heat will win the NBA Championship this year. The first damn year the Big 2 and a Half were assembled. All I hear in my head is LeBron, with a mic, counting.

“Not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven…”

It echoes in my head, replaying like an infinite loop. Taunting me. Laughing at me.

Since the NBA shifted to the 2-3-2 Finals scheduling format in 1985, of series that were tied 1-1, the winner of Game 3 is 11-0. That tells me pretty much everything I need to know.

Of all the s**t that’s ever spewed out of LeBron’s mouth — like his promise to bring a championship to Cleveland — this one may just end up coming true.

LeBron is 26, Wade is 29 and Bosh is 27. They are smack dab in the middle of their prime. This championship is not likely to be their last.

Is this really happening? Where are the basketball gods when you need them?