Then we had two stories that were neck and neck until the final day, “The Naked Roundhouse” pulled away to win by a pretty decent margin.

Congratulations go out to Chris W. from Whale’s Vagina, CA — who wins the prize, an authentic 1956 Topps Jackie Robinson baseball card. So without further adieu, we present to you the funniest Locker Room Story, as voted on by our readers: “The Naked Roundhouse”.

Of all the tomfoolery that goes on in a football locker room, the most disgusting commonality I’ve heard between locker rooms is people pissing on each other while in the shower.

The beauty of it is that the person is unaware because of the shower water running on them.

Well, one day a younger player decided to piss on an older player, Nick. Smiling and spraying on the clueless Nick, stood the young player gaining the respect of his team.

That is when, without warning, Nick full on Van Damme’d this kid with a roundhouse to the face.

A Naked Roundhouse to a man urinating on him. You have to imagine this happening with a shower full of naked dudes standing in awe to appreciate the true beauty of it.

The next step in the Locker Room Stories contest, is we narrow it down to five stories.  All JOCKpost writers have chosen their favorites and we list them for you below (in no particular order):

“Battles**ts! Girls Edition”
“The Naked Roundhouse”
“Flavored Water”
“The Sock, The Horse Bit”
“Revenge of the Viagra”

Now it’s your turn!  Vote for your favorite story below!  Remember, the winner recives a 1956 Topps Jackie Robinson baseball card!  Voting ends on April 1, at midnight.

Locker Room Stories is a contest in which readers submit their favorite stories to share with the world.

As a reward for their efforts, the writer of the funniest story will win a 1956 Topps Jackie Robinson baseball card.

This LRS was submitted by reader Ashley S. from Arlington, TX:

I was a freshman in a junior high school. We had cross country practice after school. I was in a hurry to get off to school that morning and didn’t shower or put on deodorant.

By the end of the day I could really smell myself. I had to take a shower before I went running because there was the hottest guy on my cross county team and practice was the only “class” I had with him.

So when the last bell rang – I ran to the shower. When I got out of the shower and got my towel – my bag was gone. I didn’t think too much of it – we normally put our bags right outside the door anyhow.

So I went to get my bag and when I went around the corner, my bag was NOT there! and to make things worse someone had removed the door wedge.

I was locked out of the locker room wrapped in nothing more than a towel.

My only option was to walk around in the towel(which was kind of short) and look for the janitor to let me back in the locker room.

The school was an outside set up.  I walked around in the towel (that barely covered my ass) looking for the janitor while my fellow cross county team watched me running around in a towel, pointing and laughing.

About 5 horribly long minutes later, the coach ran up asking me what I was doing roaming around campus pratically naked.

I explained and was let in to change into throwback gym clothes until my bag was found.

I went out to run and my “best friend” told me how she had my bag inside her bag….haha so funny. At the time I didn’t think so.

They called me streaker for the rest of the year. That boy that I liked so much and hurried to shower for…?

Yeah, he turned out to be gay. What can I say? At least I had shaved.

—

Do you have a better locker room story?  Send it to stories@jockpost.com

If you’ve been sitting on an awesome Locker Room Story and haven’t submitted it yet, DO IT TODAY!

Not only could your story get published, but if your story receives the most votes by our readers, you will win a super sweet authentic 1956 Topps Jackie Robinson baseball card.

So hurry up and send us your story!  Don’t run out of time to win this awesome baseball card!

E-mail it to: stories@jockpost.com

As a reward for their efforts, the writer of the funniest story will win a 1956 Topps Jackie Robinson baseball card.

This LRS was submitted by reader Chad P. from Westerville, OH:

Junior year, legion baseball. We are in West Virginia for a tournament.

Our catcher was a kid by the name Scott aka “The Handyman.”  He got his nickname his freshman year for getting caught masturbating at a party, hence the “handy” man.

After 3 nights of sharing a room with this kid, our first baseman could not get a wink of sleep due to the Handyman’s snoring. We decided that night that we would take care of the issue.

After the Handyman feel asleep (or fell into his coma, same thing) 4 of us picked up his mattress, opened the sliding glass doors and carried him within 50 yards of the highway and left Scott, his mattress and his “sweet dreams” outside.

Nearly 6 hours later there is a knock on our hotel door.  Our coach was freaking out because Scott was nowhere to be found.

Turns out, he actually was still asleep on the mattress near the highway. He had slept through the night and into the early morning with a highway 50 yards away.

—

Do you have a better locker room story?  Send it to stories@jockpost.com

Locker Room Stories is a contest in which readers submit their favorite stories to share with the world.

As a reward for their efforts, the writer of the funniest story will win a 1956 Topps Jackie Robinson baseball card.

This LRS was submitted by reader Philly D. from Columbus, OH:

The story starts off on the football practice field. It was near the end of practice and the whole team was running sprints. One of my friends, Ryan (senior DE), was having a hell of a time controlling his bowels during these sprints and subsequently s**ts his pants mid-sprint. Now, only myself and another player Dave (senior DE) knew what just happened.

Next thing you knew the entire team was in the locker room and Dave, being the asshole that he was, couldn’t keep this a secret and told everyone about it. Ryan decided to hide in the weight room until everyone left, to change his s**t soaked pants.

Dave wasn’t going to let this happen.

As everyone was watching he storms into the weight room and grabs Ryan flipping him over a bench with his ass in the air. Hilarity ensued. Everyone was laughing and screaming s**t like, “ewwwwwe!” “disgusting,” and “that’s effing nasty!”

Needless to say this was quite humiliating and Ryan was thoroughly embarrassed. I was really surprised that Ryan didn’t come back the next day with a shotgun.

A couple weeks later Ryan decides that he is going to get Dave back. He comes to the decision that he is going to crush up a Viagra pill and spike Dave’s drink before practice.

I heard he was thinking about using LSD, but he didn’t want to go to prison that week.

Right after school he got the perfect opportunity and dumped the crushed pill into Dave’s bottle of Powerade. He shook it up real nice and Dave had no clue as he guzzled the bottle down. A few teammates who were in on the elaborate prank were in the locker room getting ready for practice.

It didn’t take long for the pill to kick-in and everyone was watching Dave as he is starting to freak out about what is going on with his body. He ended up changing in the bathroom stall. He was trying to think of anything to get this erection to go down.

I could just imagine the thoughts going through his head; football, carebears, the movie Cool Runnings, etc. Nothing was working, but yet he still didn’t know what was going on. So, he got cleats on and headed outside for practice. By this time everyone on the team knows what’s up.

Before the start of every practice everyone stands around the corner of the practice field and waits for the coach’s whistle to run a lap around the field as a team.

At this point everyone is starting to crack up and Dave starts to figure out that something is up (literally). So about 30 seconds into the lap Dave gets the scope of exactly what Ryan did to him, and he goes crazy.

Even with a raging hard-on he jumps in Ryan’s face and starts pushing him and screaming. “What the f**k?!?! You f**king drugged me?! What?…Do you want to see my dick or something?!?! You f**king homo?!?” They went back and forth for a while until the coaches broke them up. I have to say it was freakin’ funny.

The coaches ended up getting the whole story and found it to be pretty amusing themselves. They sent Dave home because lord knows that you cannot practice football with an uncontrollable boner filling his pants.

Before he went home the coaches had to “bust his chops” a little bit. Some of the memorable quotes were: “Don’t put your eye out with that thing” and, “You can probably use that thing as a pitching wedge.” Along with the coaches the whole team was cracking jokes. It was definitely one of the funniest chain of events that I have ever seen.

The coaches had Ryan run laps the rest of the practice for all the disruption he caused. As for Dave, I’m sure he had a “long” night as well.

—

Do you have a better locker room story?  Send it to stories@jockpost.com

As a reward for their efforts, the writer of the funniest story will win a 1956 Topps Jackie Robinson baseball card.

This LRS was submitted by reader Noel W. from Bedford, MA:

It was my freshman year of high school, and this bulky jock senior decided he wanted to toss me in the locker room rubbish.

This was no ordinary trash can, though.  It was the dirtiest, pissedest-in trash can ever. And I was wearing no trousers.

While struggling to put up much resistance, my friend (not really my friend, more of a legend) grabbed the awful/herpes/AIDS sock that had soaked in about 15 years worth of locker room sludge. 

He leaped onto the big chap’s back and looped it over his head, pulling it tight in his mouth, like a bloody horse bit!

Even though my hero had stuck his right foot in the middle of the jock’s back, he was thrown up against the lockers overhand like a pitcher.

I managed to throw the bully’s backpack underneath the showerhead and ran out of the locker room, fearing for my life, wearing no bottoms.

—

Do you have a better locker room story?  Send it to stories@jockpost.com

Locker Room Stories is a contest in which readers submit their favorite stories to share with the world.

As a reward for their efforts, the writer of the funniest story will win a 1956 Topps Jackie Robinson baseball card.

This LRS was submitted by reader Jonny P. from Tacoma, WA:

Not my story, but a friend of mines. When he was in high school, he wasn’t the buffest kid. He was looked at as a nerd basically.

One day, the quarterback of the high school football team takes a towel, and cracks his ass with it, (you know where you twist it up, and use it as a whip). My buddy was naked, and it busts open his ass cheek, and blood starts running down his leg.

The quarterback and all the other jocks in the locker room started saying, and kept saying things like, “What? Are you going to cry? You going to go cry to mommy?”

Except my friend wasn’t particularly concerned about crying, or going home to mom.

Instead, he kneed one jock in the chest, bashed his face against the sink, and turned to the quarterback. The quarterback ran, but out of pure rage and adrenalin, my friend tackled him, and began punching his face off.

Note that while doing this he was completely naked, and was running through the hallway and out into the football field where the high school cheerleaders where practicing.

As my friend punches this quarterback’s face, the quarterbacks ear piercing gets lodged in my friends middle knuckle, and by the time the authorities had finally pulled my buddy off the quarterback, the quarterback had a broken nose, broken jaw, several missing teeth, with one tooth was lodged in my friend’s pinky finger.

My friend was charged with assault instead of self defense, and the quarterback was given a slap on the wrist.

No one ever f**ked with him after that.

—

Do you have a better locker room story?  Send it to stories@jockpost.com

Locker Room Stories is a contest in which readers submit their favorite stories to share with the world.

As a reward for their efforts, the writer of the funniest story will win a 1956 Topps Jackie Robinson baseball card.

This LRS was submitted by reader Sammy D. from Pittsburgh, PA:

Mike (a senior) was giving Marquis (a sophomore) a ride to football practice one day. Marquis forgets to lock Mike’s car door, and someone ends up stealing Mike’s wallet out of his glove box.

In retaliation, Mike took Marquis’s mouthpiece before practice and scraped it across the urinal trough that surely housed piss from yesteryear’s undefeated teams from the ’60s, along with orange rust and cake toilet cleaner.

Marquis finally got to the locker room and got geared up. We all waited, then suddenly and nonchalantly he popped his mouthpiece in right there on the locker room bench.

I then became weightless and collapsed to both knees.

—

Do you have a better locker room story?  Send it to stories@jockpost.com

Locker Room Stories is a contest in which readers submit their favorite stories to share with the world.

As a reward for their efforts, the writer of the funniest story will win a 1956 Topps Jackie Robinson baseball card.

This LRS was submitted by reader Juan C. from Tucson, AZ:

I was 13 and I used to wear briefs. At the time, I didn’t realize how gay they are. Before gym class when I pulled down my shorts with my bright orange briefs exposed I heard a few people laughing. I then took off my t-shirt and everyone burst out laughing.

I started to feel embarrassed so I turned around and reached for my gym bag.

It wasn’t there.

Everyone was still laughing at me, including my so-called “best friend.” I asked him what was so funny and that made everyone laugh even more. All of my classmates got dressed and left the locker room.

I still couldn’t find my bag so I had no option but to tell the gym teacher. My school clothes had been taken, there was nothing for me to do.

The teacher then came in and saw me, just standing there in my tighty orangies. He laughed too and said I have to do gym class in my briefs. I started crying like a baby and he said “Quit crying, Jesus. I’m only kidding.”

That was the second most embarrassed I have ever been. Yes, I am still a nerd.

—

Do you have a better locker room story?  Send it to stories@jockpost.com

Locker Room Stories is a contest in which readers submit their favorite stories to share with the world.

As a reward for their efforts, the writer of the funniest story will win a 1956 Topps Jackie Robinson baseball card.

This LRS was submitted by reader Sleazy E from Youngstown, Ohio:

It’s halftime of a JV basketball game and one of our point guards, Ryan, was super thirsty. He was kinda fat back then.

When he gets into the locker room, he sees a huge Gatorade jug full of ice and water and immediately starts to chug from the top of it.

What he forgot though, was our #1 big man, “The Witness”, had left the bench early for treatment for a sprained ankle. Yes, this treatment consisted entirely of soaking his sweaty, hillbilly, size 16 foot in the giant Gatorade jug of ice water in the middle of the locker room, which our pal was now slurping up.

—

Do you have a better locker room story?  Send it to stories@jockpost.com

Locker Room Stories is a contest in which readers submit their favorite stories to share with the world.

As a reward for their efforts, the writer of the funniest story will win a 1956 Topps Jackie Robinson baseball card.

This LRS was submitted by reader Brittany L. from Albany, NY:

It was just after school on a fall day when 2 of my teammates and I decided we wanted to go to the locker room to have our pre-game s**t. It was a ritual for us three girls; we did this in the same stalls everyday before every soccer game.

On this particular day, we decided it would be a good idea to close the restroom door so no one could smell the foul stench that was seeping out of the stalls and into the hallway.

We did our thing – played a little game of battles**ts – and after we were finished, washed our hands and tried to leave; except we couldn’t get out of the restroom.

I have no idea why there was no handle on the inside of this door; they must not have thought it would be a big deal back in the 50’s when our HS was built.

Maybe it was to keep people like us from doing stupid things like that. For about the first five minutes or so, we screamed and pounded on the door in hopes that someone would hear us, but there was absolutely no answer.

To make it worse, every time we tried to stick our fingers in the side or under the door, it just pushed it in further.

Needless to say we were definitely f**ked. We freaked out for a good fifteen minutes trying to think of what we would do if no one found us or let us out.

Would we have to ration our pre-game food supply that consisted of Power Bars, Gatorade and Cheese and Peanut Butter crackers?

After about twenty minutes, they decided to hoist me up and shove me out the tiny 1’x2’ window that led to the courtyard in the middle of the high school.

That didn’t work out so well either.

Not only because I couldn’t fit, but also because the door would’ve been locked to get back into the High School. So, it was back to plan A, yell and kick the door so hard that SOMEONE HAD to hear us.

A little while later, our prayers were answered when a janitor heard the racket we were making and let us out. We thanked him numerous times and luckily for us, no questions were asked.

We just picked up our s**t and got the hell out of the bathroom. It might have been the only time I felt like an asshole for taking a s**t in the locker room and sadly enough, there were no more pre-game battles**ts after that incident.

—

Do you have a better locker room story?  Send it to stories@jockpost.com

Locker Room Stories is a contest in which readers submit their favorite stories to share with the world.

As a reward for their efforts, the writer of the funniest story will win a 1956 Topps Jackie Robinson baseball card.

This LRS was submitted by reader Larry O. from Chattanooga, TN:

I went to a small southwestern Ohio high school. So small it was impossible to fly under the radar for anyone. If you were a new kid who acted like a s**t-head you could count on catching some hell.

At the beginning of two-a-days the summer before my junior year my school and football team got a newcomer from Missouri named Adam. On the first day of his arrival we were all a little impressed with his size and thought we may have gotten a decent athlete.

By the end of the first week we knew better. The guy was average, at best, and to go with his mediocre ability he had the weirdest f**king sense of humor. It was all most of us could do to even talk to the big, weird f**ker.

One guy on the team, Trent, took a particular dislike to our new teammate.

Unfortunately for Adam, our school did not have separate locker rooms for the the football team and students who just needed to change for PE.

Trent and I had PE together that year and on the first day of school while we were changing in the locker room Trent suggested we play a little prank on Adam.

I said “Why not?” and asked him what he had in mind. Next thing I knew, Trent had taken Adam’s helmet out of his locker and removed his mouthpiece.

Before I could protest (I like to think I would have) Trent had his pants down and was shoving the new guy’s mouthpiece up his asshole.

Did I tell the new guy about his s**tty mouthpiece before he used it that day at practice? I did not.

Did I laugh my ass off that afternoon while he was chewing on the f**king thing like he loved its new flavor? I most certainly did.

—

Do you have a better locker room story?  Send it to stories@jockpost.com

Locker Room Stories is a contest in which readers submit their favorite stories to share with the world.

As a reward for their efforts, the writer of the funniest story will win a 1956 Topps Jackie Robinson baseball card.

This LRS was submitted by reader Chris W. from Whale’s Vagina, CA:

Of all the tomfoolery that goes on in a football locker room, the most disgusting commonality I’ve heard between locker rooms is people pissing on each other while in the shower.

The beauty of it is that the person is unaware because of the shower water running on them.

Well, one day a younger player decided to piss on an older player, Nick. Smiling and spraying on the clueless Nick, stood the young player gaining the respect of his team.

That is when, without warning, Nick full on Van Damme’d this kid with a roundhouse to the face.

A Naked Roundhouse to a man urinating on him. You have to imagine this happening with a shower full of naked dudes standing in awe to appreciate the true beauty of it.

—

Do you have a better locker room story?  Send it to stories@jockpost.com

Locker Room Stories is a contest in which readers submit their favorite stories to share with the world. 

As a reward for their efforts, the writer of the funniest story will win a 1956 Topps Jackie Robinson baseball card.

This LRS was submitted by reader Anthony H:

Every year in high school there was a boxing tournament held at Hubbard High School in Youngstown, Ohio. A few friends and I all decided to sign up for it.

The first year 3 of us ended up making it to the finals. My friend Mike and I both lost in the final fight but my friend Brandon won and got to take home the championship belt.

The next year we signed up to do it again. Well the second week Brandon couldn’t make it to his fight due to the fact that his parents had grounded him.

So when the heads of the tournament called his name, I told my friend Jack to step up and say he would fight for Brandon so he wouldn’t get disqualified. They weren’t having it and immediately shut him down.

Brandon was about 5’10” and 165 lbs. Jack was about 5’ 6” and 145 lbs. and never boxed before. He was however a wrestler growing up and we all played football. Jack is also the silliest f**king person I’ve ever met. He once ate a tree frog for $5.

Anyways right before the fight they called Brandon Holmes to the locker room to get ready for his fight. I told Jack that he could go in there and say he was Brandon and they would never know.

Sure enough they wrapped up his wrists, gave him shorts, and slapped on the gloves. While I was helping Jack get ready to fight as Brandon, his opponent walked into the locker room.

He had to be the tallest, lankiest, and bitchiest kid in the tournament. (About 6’3 160 lbs.). I looked at Jack and said “you better beat the s**t out of this kid Jack.” I told him that he had better talk s**t to him too and try to scare him.

On our way out of the locker room we walked past the kid and Jack stared him down, turned around and slammed his fist off the locker, and just screamed as loud as he could in the kids face, “AHHHHHH!! I’m gonna f**king kill you” he said.

It took everything I had to keep a straight face.

Just before the fight while I was in Jacks corner I gave him one last piece of advice. I told him just go right at the kid and try to beat the hell out of him.
When the bell rang Jack took off full speed towards the kid and unleashed on him.

The fight ended and as they raised Jacks hand they announced Brandon’s name as the winner. The heads of the tournament never found out and Brandon came back the following weeks to win his second belt.

—

Do you have a better locker room story?  Send it to stories@jockpost.com

JOCKpost is happy to announce a hilarious contest called Locker Room Stories.  The prize is a 1956 Topps Jackie Robinson baseball card in decent condition.  See the picture, that’s the card you’ll be winning.  The crease on the front is a surface crease.

“What do I have to do to win?” You ask.

E-mail us a locker room story that you have experienced.  We will put up our favorites as we receive them.  Pictures usually make the story even better.  On March 24, we will put up our favorite five.  Then our readers will vote on the winner.  The winner will be announced on March 31 at 8pm EST.

Send your story(ies) to stories@jockpost.com - Make sure you include your first name, last initial, city and state.

Read some of the stories below in the Also Read section or at the Locker Room Stories category