Bum With The Golden Voice Enters Rehab

Ted Williams, the Columbus, OH beggar with the voice as smooth as satin panties, has entered rehab upon the advice of Dr. Phil. Much to the surprise of not a single f**king soul. Except maybe the suckers on 98.9. I really wish everyone could have heard these folks fawning over a bum like he was the Second Coming.

My question is-is Dr. Phil so famous that homeless dudes know who he is? I’ve stumbled over a bum or two in my day, and my experience is that they would tell Dr. Phil to eat a big bag of s**t if he told them to “help themselves” in that country-ass accent. For a guy who claimed he had 2 years sober, he sure was quick to the bottle, no?

Williams’s decision to enter rehab comes after police were called to his Hollywood hotel room Monday night, to break up a physical altercation with his daughter, in which Williams himself admits that fist were flying. Also, he was issued a subpoena to testify at the drug abuse trial of some gutter snipe a woman accused of drug abuse whose car he was in. Be still my heart, I’m not sure I can handle this much shock at once.

I’m not trying to kick a dude while he’s down-far from it. I hope Teddy Airwaves gets the cure and goes on to replace that creepy sounding white dude who does the Cadbury Eggads. But did any of these folks throwing money at him think to make him piss in a cup first? Like Terry Hanning says in The Wire, “You f**kin’ think I’d sleep under a bridge sober?!” It’s a great point, and hopefully one not ignored in Teddy Airwaves march out of the gutter.