Take This To The Bank, Why WVU Will Win The Whole Shebang

The shock of Calipari-ball getting lost in the forests of W. Virginia coupled with John Wall decidedly declining to rise to the occasion should have sunk in by now.

Before we declare anyone overrated or Evil, let’s just take a moment and remember that the only time a team composed almost entirely of freshman reached the championship game was the doomed Fab Five of Michigan.

The last time a team lead by a freshman actually won the championship was Carmelo Anthony in 03′ (which was one of the most impressive runs in recent memory). So let’s refrain from crucifying Calipari for at least one more year OK?

Getting to the issues at hand. We will very likely have a WVU, Duke, Butler, MSU (Izzo’s teams don’t lose to teams like Tennessee) Final Four assuming that Duke’s big guys don’t go to any lacrosse parties Saturday night.

I know what you’re thinking: lamest Final Four ever right? Almost. Here is a breakdown of why you shouldn’t root for any team but WVU:

1. Duke: Christan Laettner. Cherokee Parks. Bobby Hurley. JJ Reddick. Greg Paulus. Josh McRoberts. Kyle Singletary. I believe I’ve said enough.

2. Butler: One thing about this team that never ceases to amaze me is their coach, Brad Stevens.

Look at that picture – cool, calm, poised, collected, serene – that is the way the man looks at every f**king point during a game no matter how close or how much of a nailbiting game it is. He is the anti-John Chaney. 

He’s also, apparently, still living with his mom.

Ok, it’s actually his wife. Sorry, Brad.

However, no matter how cool or matriarchal of a coach Brad is, the glaring fact that Butler is a team composed entirely of three-point shooters and future real estate agent/used car salesman stiffs cannot be overlooked.

They are the San Antonio Spurs of college basketball, and I’m pretty sure no one outside of Texas (hell, no one outside of San Antonio) ever roots for the Spurs.

3. Michigan State: This is a tricky one. Tom Izzo has always seemingly been a step above everyone else.

He’s never been in trouble with the law like Bob Huggins; never been involved in recruiting scandals like John Calipari; and he’s never been perceived as a complete douche bag who likes the smell of his own farts like Mike Krzyewski.

I remember the 2000 final between the Florida Gators and the Spartans. I clearly recall how just about everyone was on the the Spartan’s side, from the announcers decrying Teddy Dupay’s hard but clean foul on Mateen Cleaves as a “thug move” (DURING the game! They actually used the word “thug” to describe someone! I’m fairly positive that Xavier McDaniel or Anthony Mason were never called thugs by anyone despite all the times they basically molested Scottie Pippen during the 92′ conference semifinals), to Billy Packer calling the MSU the “deserved victors.”

F**k that. MSU has continually been a system built on physical play and good coaching above prettiness and actually athletic talent. Who does that remind you of?? Oh yes. Hello, San Antonio again.

Does the name Jihad Muhammad ring a bell? Did you do a double-take when you read the name? You racist, narrow-minded asshole you. Just kidding.

Jihad was the starting point guard for the Bob Huggins-led Cincinatti Bearcats teams from 04′ to 06′. He was a player no one wanted to recruit….except for Huggins.

He was also on a team that featured these gems: F/G – James White, F/G Armein Kirkland, and F Jason Maxiel. These are players you probably would never want to introduce your daughter to, but they are also players that were some of the most athletic freaks in the entire world.

Huggins would regularly switch point guard/shooting guard/small forward duties between Muhammmad, White and Kirkland like he was playing a game of Sudoku.

When 10 of the 12 guys are on your team are over 6’5 you have some room to work with. Like this WVU team, which in case you didn’t notice during last night’s game featured an array of some really tall f**king dudes.

You thought Kentucky had height? Kentucky thought they did too….until they played WVU. There are no players above 6’9 on WVU’s team…and there are no players below 6’2 on the team either.

The starting lineup features one player below 6’6. This is Cinci redux, folks. This is a team that physically dominated a Kentucky team that was used to physically dominating everyone else.

This is a team that can defend anyone’s pesky 6’0 guards with 6’6 swingmen who can switch to power forward when called upon. You aren’t going to shoot on these guys, and you sure as hell aren’t going to drive down the lane.

This is a team that Kenyon Martin would have a tough time making.

Write it down. Go for broke. WVU is taking the title.