If you were talking to someone and missed the beginning of the play, it might have looked like Giants RB Ahmad Bradshaw was hot dogging. Seems logical: It’s not every day you see a running back sit down backwards into the end zone.

What we really saw was a mental meltdown. Bradshaw’s brainfart happened right before our very eyes — on what is possibly the world’s biggest stage.

It was only part of the awesome though. Let’s step back a little.

With just under 4 minutes left, Elisha was about to do what he does best. He calmly drove the offense downfield like we knew he would — milking just the right amount of clock. (whew, that was close).

The sideline shots of Bill Belichick confirmed it. He wore the look of a man who was two steps from death’s door. The worst part: he had to wallow in it, helplessly. At this notion, he took action.

He told the defense to let the Giants score. Let’s think about this. In order to make this call, Belichick had to be absolutely CERTAIN that the Giants kicker Lawrence Tynes would nail the layup. So much for what happened just one game ago.

What was he to do? HOPE that the kicker would miss? That’s not his style — and it CERTAINLY was not how he was going to go down. Not this time. You gotta love it.

At the same time, Tom Coughlin is playing a different game. The Giants needed to drain as much time as possible, while leaving enough time for just one play. Surely he told the team to take a dive before scoring a touchdown.

Enter Ahmad Bradshaw.

He has spent his entire life rushing for the end zone. It’s impossible to imagine how many touchdowns Bradshaw has scored in his life. When he sees the end zone, his natural tendency is to enter it. Makes sense.

He has also spent his entire life dreaming of this moment: scoring the game-winning touchdown in the Super Bowl. His dream was unfolding right before his eyes and the logical part of his brain was telling him to sit down at the 1. We all know what happened next.

After he scored there was a weird pause when everyone on the Giants’ sideline looked at each other like, “Damn, that’s sweet that we’re winning, but I think we just played right into Darth Belichick’s hands.”

At that time the Patriots probably felt like they had new life. Belichick looked a little more spry, but Tom Brady had little left in the tank. Surely they all believed that they had just one more miracle left.

Instead of doing actual research, I will pose the question to you: Does anyone remember any touchdown that was scored in a Super Bowl that the scoring team didn’t actually want to score?

I can’t.

But it will have to do for now if you just have to see what the hell everyone is talking about.

Old Milwaukee, in my opinion, sucks. Not because of the commercial, but because of the taste of their beer. That’s all I’ll say about that.

I like that there is no dialog. Nothing he could have said would have actually been a fair payoff for the buildup.

It aired only in North Platte, Nebraska. Hopefully someone there can provide us with a better copy soon.

Is Joe Paterno dead or not? The media’s handling of Joe Paterno’s “death” has been sloppy at best. I’m being nice. In actuality it’s completely f**ked up.

First you read everywhere that JoePa is dead. But now, if you Google “Joe Paterno dead” you get redirects to the subsequent family spokesperson’s refutal of the report.

C’mon guys. Either he’s dead or he isn’t. The report of someone’s death is serious business and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Let alone some as legendary as Paterno. This is just another example of the degradation of the standards of mainstream media.

If he isn’t dead, multiple people should get fired for this. If he is, well, I hope he was able to get all of his last words out.

You do, of course!

It looks like someone hit the off button on his remote control.  Or he forgot to charge his battery overnight. Or his Sims manager has been very neglectful.

It really sucks though for the guy. I mean, one minute he’s laughing, the next minute he’s got a mouthful of gravel.

Again, my favorite part is the subtle confusion displayed by the bystanders. They all seem to be wondering, “Is this guy for real?”

The best part about this video is not that Lee Corso swears on Gameday when deciding against picking SMU to win. I just love Kirk Herbstreit’s face immediately after he said it.

It is exactly the kind of face when your friend does something unbelievably ornery in class.

And then, of course, he apologized. You have to love the s**t eating grin he gives at the end. Because, he honestly doesn’t give a f**k.

You know s**t is bad when Bob Coastas is literally asking you:

• Are you a pedophile?
• Are you sexually attracted to young boys?

Sandusky said he is innocent. What a sick f**ker. He did admit however that he “shouldn’t have showered with those boys.”

There are three videos below. While I appreciate the efforts of the uploaders, some people need to learn to turn up their damn TVs when recording something for YouTube. You’ve been warned.

The first part of the interview.

The second part of the interview.

Bob Costas’s bulls**t response.

We’re about midway through the season and some teams are very surprising in a good way (the 49ers) and others not so much (the Vikings).

But for each team, who is the most surprising player so far this season? My picks for each team are below.

Feel free to call me an idiot in the comment section. But if you’re going to do that, you have to tell me who surprised you more.

AFC East

Jets
Joe McKnight – he barely managed to find his way on the roster, and now he is one of the most dynamic special teams player in 2011. So far this season he has run the ball 25 times, caught the ball 16 times, blitzed as a CB, blocked a punt that was returned for a TD, returned a 107-yard kickoff  return for a TD and averages 40 yards per kickoff return with 13 returns.

Bills
Ryan Fitzpatrick – When Fitz left the Bengals we figured that was the end of his career. The Bills signed him in 2009 and they were one of the worst teams in football. Then the Bills hired Chan Gailey and we laughed. No one expected Fitzpatrick to be signed up ever again after 2008, let alone tear up defenses like he has at the beginning of this season. It will be interesting to see if he can keep it up for an entire season.

Patriots
Wes Welker – Welker has been really good since he came over to New England from Miami, but he has been basically the best WR in the NFL not named Calvin Johnson. Not too many people saw that coming. He is 24 yards short of his total from last year (824/848).

Dolphins
Daniel Thomas – Honestly, finding a silver lining from this disaster of a season is a bit challenging. Even though Thomas was a 2nd Round draft pick, he has been solid (still no TDs though) and that has to be a nice surprise for Phins fans. Just ask Reggie Bush how the season’s going.

AFC North

Browns
Joe Haden – as we’ve already covered, Joe Haden could be the best CB in the NFL. It’s one of the lone highlights for a team that has a very hard time getting the ball in the end zone. is anyone else having a hard time staying awake while watching Browns games?

Steelers
Ike Taylor – Ike Taylor used to suck really bad. The Steelers signed him a couple years ago, hoping he would be a #1 CB. He ended up getting 1-2 stupid pass interference penalties seemingly every game. They almost cut his sorry ass, that’s how bad it got. For some reason, he doesn’t suck anymore. He has been shutting them down all season.

Bengals
AJ Green/Andy Dalton – This is obvious, but we can’t pick just one. The 1st and 2nd round picks for the Bengals this year could not be performing any better. Who the hell thought the Bengals would be 5-2 at this point? Definitely not Carson Palmer.

Ravens
Lardarius Webb – The guy who many Ravens fans blame for last season’s playoff loss has returned in 2011 to carry the banged-up Ravens secondary.

AFC SOUTH

Colts
Pat Angerer – In just his 2nd NFL season he has already nearly matched his tackle total from last year. In fact, he leads the NFL in tackles right now with 90. NaVorro Bowman ranks 2nd with 68. Bet you didn’t know that.

Texans
Antonio Smith – With Mario Williams out with an injury, Texans DE Antonio Smith has had to pick up the slack, with 4.5 sacks. In a season where a friend of his drowned in a swimming pool at his house, he has done a good job at keeping the distractions from negatively effecting his play on the field.

Titans
Matt Hasselbeck – OK so Hasselbeck hasn’t been a stiff his whole career, but after watching the Seahawks just basically give up on him, pretty much everyone else did too. At 36 years old and with a brand new team in a brand new system, he has been surprising. So far he has thrown for over 1,700 yards, with an 11/6 ratio. That’s an 89.2 rating. He probably has more rushing yards than Chris Johnson, too.

Jaguars
Jason Hill – Even though he doesn’t have many receptions (19), when he does catch it he takes it to the house. A team leading THREE of those 19 catches have gone for TDs. The most TDs he’s ever gotten in a season prior to this one was 2.

AFC West

Raiders
Darrius Heyward-Bey – Considering he almost got the JaMarcus treatment, it’s kind of hard to believe DHB is finally panning out. He is probably the most consistent receiver the Raiders have right now.

Chargers
Eric Weddle – Five interceptions so far this year ties him for the league lead with Charles Woodson. His previous season high was two. Hey Chargers fans, how overpaid is he now?

Chiefs
Jackie Battle – Jackie who? With Jamaal Charles and Thomas Jones banged up, the 3rd/4th stringer finally got his chance a few weeks ago and hasn’t disappointed. Even though he got his first TD last week, he is averaging a solid 4.7 YPC.

Broncos
Von Miller – OK so it’s hard to say the 2nd overall pick is surprising, but any rookie that starts his career off with 6 sacks in 7 games still deserves a nod. He’s doing a little better than one of their other 1st round draft picks…

NFC East

Giants
Victor Cruz – In what is basically his first season, he is tearing up the league. Definitely the Giants’ best offensive weapon at this point.

Eagles
Shady McCoy – After a solid 2010 season, many of us wondered if he could possibly duplicate it in 2011. He is blowing away last year’s effort. At this rate he’ll have over 1,500 yards rushing and 16 TDs by year’s end.

Cowboys
Sean Lee – I don’t watch the Cowboys much because I f**king hate them. My friends who are Cowboys fans say he has been a badass. I wouldn’t know.

Redskins
Ryan Kerrigan – The Redskins season is turning into a nightmare of epic proportions. Kerrigan is pretty much the only bright spot on this team at this point. The college DE turned LB is adapting well, and he even scored a TD in his first NFL game after not having scored his entire college career.

NFC North

Bears
Matt Forte – I know what you’re thinking: “But Matt Forte has always been good!” I don’t think anyone thought he’d be this good. He has 672 yards rushing and 419 yards passing so far this season. He is playing the Marshall Faulk role in the Mike Martz offense perfectly.

Vikings
Jared Allen – I was going to go with Christian Ponder, but he’s only played in 2 games, so he still has plenty of time to suck. Jared Allen though, has TWELVE AND A HALF FUCKING SACKS. He also has a pick, three forced fumbles and three fumble recoveries. We knew he was good, but this is some video game s**t right here.

Packers
Jordy Nelson – The former 4th stringer is now the Packers’ second best option at WR. James Jones and Donald Driver are wondering what the hell happened too.

Lions
Chris Houston – The biggest weakness on the Lions roster this year appeared to be the secondary. Chris Houston has four picks, two pick-sixes and is a league leader in pass deflections as well.

NFC South

Saints
Jimmy Graham – The 2nd year player out of Miami wasn’t expected to do a whole lot. Did you know he has more receptions this year than Calvin Johnson? He is on pace for over 1,500 yards receiving this year. If Drew Brees wants him to, he will.

49ers
Alex Smith – Maybe he started showing signs of efficiency late last year, but rarely does that mean anything. Everyone wondered who would play QB in SF this year, and when Harbaugh chose Smith everyone wrote the 49ers off. After what feels like a decade in the league, he is finally not sucking. Who says giving someone a 6th, 7th and even 8th chance isn’t ever going to pay off?

Cardinals
Beanie Wells – Yes, he was a first round pick. Yes, coming out of tOSU he was a beast. I watched every carry in Wells’ college career and while he was good (and sometimes great), I never thought he would make it through a game in the NFL. He was (and still kind of is) the very definition of brittle.  He averages 4.5 YPC and has 7 TDs. That sounds pretty good right about now.

Panthers
Cam Newton – Believe it or not, picking Newton wasn’t as easy as it sounds. Who would’ve thought it would’ve taken a rookie QB to resurrect Steve Smith’s career? We all thought he was very close to done. But I had to go with Newton, because even though he was the #1 overall pick last year, I think EVERYONE thought he would need more time to become a real threat in the NFL. Boy were we all wrong.

NFC West

Seahawks
Doug Baldwin – This undrafted rookie free agent is quietly becoming the next Marques Colston, leading the Hawks in receptions. Except he has Tarvaris Jackson, not Drew Brees, throwing to him.

Falcons
Corey Peters – Ever since that dumbass offsides penalty he earned against Tampa, Peters has been rock solid. Plus he’s got some decent hands for a DE (or was that just a s**tty pass?).

Bucs
Preston Parker – After catching just four passes last season, the Buccaneers were really counting on Parker to step it up this season. He has responded by becoming one of Josh Freeman’s favorite targets.

Rams
Chris Long – The son of Radio Shack spokesperson Howie Long came into the league with huge expectations. You could really say he hasn’t had a breakout season in his career yet, although he did pretty well last year. He’s already got 6 sacks, but god damn the Rams suck something fierce.

= = = = =

Those are my mid-season NFL surprises. What are yours?

This has little to do with sports, but the skill and poise displayed under pressure by the pilot of this Boeing 767 displayed is far better than any athlete we’ve ever seen.

I mean, his LIFE and the lives of 230 others was in his hands — completely dependent on his ability to pull through in crunch time.

So don’t tell me kickers know what real pressure is like.

Too bad we can’t see the whole thing, but the video still shows the plane landing without wheels and skidding to a stop.

Balls.

I do believe this is the first time I’ve ever agreed with Steven A. Smith. I can’t help but want to scream “Cheese Doodles!” at him every time I see him.

But after JaMarcus Russell bashed on his old team, Steven A. didn’t mince words.

Some highlights:

“This dude should be arrested for being a thief!”
“Evidently he used his money on donuts!”
“This dude is the epitome of a disgrace!”
“He sold his teammates out…”
“He is solely responsible for the ineptitude that he exhibited over those years in Oakland. Period!”

It kind of took me aback, and I must admit it’s pretty damn funny. But Tosh.0 is dressed like Jim Tressel, all while bashing the hell out the THE OSU.

I started watching a little late, so I have no idea why he is doing this. Other than it being damn funny.

Can anyone explain it to me? What did I miss? Please tell me in the comments below.

The lesson learned here? If you’re gonna try to tackle Carolina Panther RB Jonathan Stewart, you better go all in. Jo-Lonn Dunbar thought he could come weak, and Stewart stiff arms him straight to the dirt.

He pushed him down so hard Dunbar’s head bounced off the ground. I love it when Dunbar gets up and claps his hands as if to say, “Damn, that’s not gonna look good in film sessions.”

Not sure if it’s quite Adrian Peterson-worthy, but it still made me laugh.

Al Davis has been one of the most influential figures in football history. What he has done for the league in the past 50+ years has been nothing short of legendary.

When he joined the Raiders in 1963, he took over a hapless franchise and turned them into perennial winners. He was named Coach of the Year in his first year in the league.

He later went on to become commissioner of the AFL — spearheading efforts to get the AFL and NFL to compete against one another.

After accomplishing that, he went back to the Raiders to win three Super Bowls.

He was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1992.

RIP.

I don’t know what genius created this Tony Romo Flowchart, but I’d like to shake his hand, he nailed it.

He forgot at the end, Tony should wince for the cameras, just so everyone knows what kind of martyr he truly is.

Where were you on November 23, 1986 when Jim McMahon was snuck up on by a 300-pound giant who subsequently pummeled his bad shoulder into the turf like soft ground beef? Playing with Ninja Turtles? Mike Tyson’s Punch Out?

Let’s face it, this new brand of football is for p*****s. Pretty soon a Tom Brady interception is going to be worth 1 point for the Patriots. You wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings would you?

The video below reminds me of what football used to be like. And while I’m not saying that Charles Martin going WWF on Jim McMahon well after the play is a slice of the golden oldies, there has to be a happy medium.

Maybe the nineties were the s**t and we just didn’t realize it. Isn’t that how these things go?

But I digress. This video below is unbelievable. Could you imagine the media explosion if Joey Porter body slammed Eli Manning three seconds after he threw the ball?

What kind of suspension do you think he’d get? Lifetime? Double lifetime?

Then-commissioner Pete Rozelle suspended Martin for TWO FUCKING GAMES. That’s right. Watch it again and say to yourself, “two games, two games” over and over.

Believe it or not, it was — at the time — the longest suspension for any player for an on-field transgression.

Rozelle deadpanned “‘In other aggressive acts against quarterbacks, the quarterback at least still had the ball or the ball was in play. That wasn’t the case this time.”

No s**t.

According to Adam Shefter, Randy Moss is considering a comeback.

Randy Moss’s only stipulations are that Randy Moss returns to a winning team with a seasoned quarterback. Seeing as how it’s just the third game in the season, it’s impossible to predict who is guaranteed to be a winning team.

But the other requirement — the seasoned QB part — that is not debatable. There are only a handful of those in the league.

And then you have to think about just who is crazy enough to take Randy Moss? The coach would also have to have his s**t together or they’re going to end up with a post-game conference like this.

Let’s break down our top five best places for Randy Moss to end up. (Randy Moss would be proud of our lack of pronoun usage.)

5.) Baltimore Ravens

While Joe Flacco may not be the definition of a seasoned quarterback, this team has a lot of things in place to be attractive for Moss.  Flacco has been there for a few years now, so the Ravens’ QB situation is very stable. With leaders like Ray Lewis and Ed Reed already on the team, there is not any chance of a divided locker room. And John Harbaugh is strong enough to keep Moss in check if need be.

4.) Pittsburgh Steelers

Can you imagine seeing Randy Moss in the black and gold? He doesn’t really seem to fit the mold, but the Steelers have the stability to withstand a few Mossisms. Ben Rapelisberger has won two Super Bowls already and has started in three. That’s pretty damn successful. And the Steelers could really use a downfield threat like Moss.

3.) Philadelphia Eagles

Why not? Don’t tell me Randy Moss wouldn’t relish the chance to become part of the so-called “Dream Team.” Seasoned QB? Check. Stable coaching? Check. Is the team crazy enough to sign him? Double-check.

2.) Green Bay Packers

Remember when he fake mooned Packers fans in end zone and Joe Buck almost had a heart attack? Nothing says I’m sorry like catching a 56-yard TD pass in the 4th Quarter. I think Lambeau would forgive and forget pretty easily. While no one will confuse Mike McCarthy for Tom Landry, they are fresh off a Super Bowl win and look to continue that trend this year. Oh, and Aaron Rodgers could be the best QB in the NFL right now.

1.) New England Patriots

Sorry to kill the suspense, but this is probably where Moss will end up. It’s pretty obvious. Just a couple weeks ago Tom Brady was expressing his love for Randy Moss, telling reporters “I love Randy, he’s one of the greatest receivers in the history of the game, one of the greatest players I’ve had a chance to play with. But unfortunately, I don’t make personnel decisions.”

Moss already knows the Patriots offense. That helps both parties. Bill Belichick already knows what he would be getting into, so there is very little risk. Tom Brady is one of the best QB’s of all time.

Mike Florio reported early in September that Randy Moss would return to the NFL if the Patriots came calling.

This announcement is probably just Moss’s way of trying to get the Patriots to hurry the f**k up and sign him. From his perspective, if the Patriots think that he may go somewhere else, it could increase their sense of urgency.

Other teams that didn’t quite make the cut:

New Orleans Saints. Drew Brees is great, but Randy Moss doesn’t seem to be the kind of receiver that Brees works best with.
New York Jets. They have a Randy Moss kind of attitude, but Mark Sanchez kind of sucks.
San Diego Chargers. Philip Rivers is also a seasoned NFL QB, but I have a feeling Randy Moss would eat Norv Turner for lunch.

One thing is certain, this league is a whole lot more exciting with Randy Moss in it.

A little history. I’m a fantasy football virgin. I’ve been playing fantasy baseball since 1990, so I’m not a complete virgin to fantasy sports — just football.

I’ve always been more a baseball stat nerd than a football one anyway. But what happened to my team in the first week defies all logic.

I’m playing in a 14-team league on NFL.com, so it’s a given you’re going to get some duds on your squad. But I can guarantee you I watch more football than any of these guys. Some of the guys in the league let the computer pick for them the whole way through.

Not that any of that matters.

Every week I’m going to give you a quick breakdown of what could go down as the worst fantasy football team in history. So far this week, my team has by far the least amount of points and injuries have already derailed some of my better players.

It’s all downhill from here kids.

Starting Quarterback

Matt Ryan — Matt sucked huge balls today. It was quite uncharacteristic of him, but that’s what happens when you play for my team. He threw one stupid pick and had an even dumber fumble. He literally slipped and dropped the ball without getting hit. Yeah, he threw for 300+ yards, but what does that matter when you’re a turnover machine who threw for ZERO touchdowns?

Starting Running Backs

Arian Foster — I really got f**ked hard here. As many of you already know, Arian took to Twitter last week to bitch about his fantasy owners who were “concerned” about his hammy injury. But it really hits us hard. Making Foster’s status a “gametime decision” put me in the position of having to decide between dumping my #1 pick in the first week or getting royally crushed by having a back with no stats. I gambled and lost. Should have benched him. ZERO POINTS.

BenJarvus Green-Ellis — He’s playing tomorrow night, so look for him to get injured or fumble a couple times.

Starting Wide Receivers

Wes Welker – He is also playing tomorrow night. Tom Brady spreads the ball around so much I expect one of his 12 tight ends to make one reception each.

Marques Colston — Much of the game Colston looked like he was in la-la land. He never really got open and spent much of the game watching Henderson and Meachem catch the ball. He did make a couple late game grabs up the middle to slightly redeem himself, right before BREAKING HIS DAMN COLLARBONE. Yep, he’s out 4-6 weeks. In other news I just picked up Saints WR Henderson off waivers.

Starting Tight End

Antonio Gates – As my #1 receiving pick (I actually picked Gates before I picked a WR) I expect a little more out of Gates than 74 yards receiving and NO TDs. Are you sensing a theme here? At least he didn’t further aggravate his foot injury.

Starting W/R

Pierre Garcon — I really didn’t want to start this guy, but my bench is pretty lean. When I selected him I figured he would be having Peyton Manning throwing to him this season. With Kerry Collins feeding him the ball I look for Garcon to get maybe 20 catches this season. Gotta dump him fast I’m afraid.

Defense

New Orleans Saints — I believe the Saints were the 2nd ranked defense in the NFC last year and they followed up that performance by giving up 42 points to Green Bay on Thursday. Believe it or not, this was my highlight. When Darren Sproles scored on a punt return he scored my ONE AND ONLY TOUCHDOWN this week.

When you’re defense is the only player scoring a touchdown in a full week of fantasy football you know your team sucks.

Bench

When your starters are s**tting the bed, you look to your bench for relief. Unfortunately it gets no better for me.

Sam Bradford — He threw for 188 yards, ZERO TOUCHDOWNS and then got hurt. His x-rays are negative, but it still is a bad sign that Bradford may go the way of the Bulger if the St. Louis o-line doesn’t figure something out.

Cadillac Williams, Mike Williams (SEA), Steve Breaston, Jacoby Ford and Zach Miller — With the exception of Ford (who plays tomorrow), everyone else was basically worthless. Cadillac Williams rushed for 91 yards and caught a couple passes, but still scored NO TOUCHDOWNS. Mike Williams, Breaston and Miller caught a total of 79 ass-wiping yards.

I just dumped the two Seahawks (Mike Williams and Zach Miller) because they have a CFL QB throwing them the ball. I picked up Devery Henderson and Evan Moore. Hopefully that will improve things.

If you have any fantasy football horror stories please share them in the comment below. Together we can all make it through this.

See you next week!

One of the best Nintendo games of all time is Tecmo Super Bowl.

I mean, Tecmo Bowl was the s**t, but Tecmo Super Bowl added stats. And stats are what nerds like me are all about.

Thanks to the fine folks at tecmobowl.org (Knobbe especially) for keeping this thing going. This year we did not make our own edited version, we just decided to use his since it was so well done.

From their website — some of the changes from last year’s version:

– All 32 teams,
– Current day (9/7/11) rosters
– Passing Accuracy now does something
– Updated Graphics
– Ability to change the quarter length

Click here to download the .ZIP file. Unzip it anywhere you like and open Nestopia.exe. From inside Nestopia, browse to the location of the TSB 2012(9.7.11).nes file. Double-click it and off you go!

Thanks again guys!

You’ve been there. The grill is heated up, friends are hungry and you’re ready to cook these babies up. But those goddamn frozen hamburger patties never separate easily. You’ve tried throwing them down on the counter, pulling them apart with your hands, maybe even throwing them in the microwave.

Of course what we should do is use lukewarm water. You think that’s what Affeldt did?

Hell no. He went medieval on their ass. He busted out a knife sharp enough to cut through his entire hand. He somehow stabbed himself to the point where his pinkie finger was numb.

“If I had used a butter knife, nothing would have happened. The burger was coming loose and to wiggle it loose I used the knife and it pushed through the burger and right through my hand. It was not a slice, it’s an actual stab. … If it had been a serrated knife I could have done more damage.”

Yep, that’s pretty dumb. If that happened to a friend of mine, my first question would be to ask how drunk he was. If Affeldt WASN’T drunk, then that’s even more embarrassing.

About 8 hours after the accident he had season-ending surgery, adding his name to the long list of stupid baseball injuries.

Glenallen Hill’s bout with dreamland spiders is my favorite. Some of my other favorites are below: (thanks to http://www.stevetheump.com)

Sammy Sosa was disabled after a violent sneeze in the dugout, suffering back spasms.

Red Sox rookie Clarence Blethen thought he looked older and meaner if he took his false teeth out when he pitched. He forgot to put them back in his mouth when he was batting. While sliding into second base to break up a double play, his own teeth bit himself in the butt.

Ken Griffey Jr. missed a game after his cup slipped and pinched a testicle.

Ken Griffey Jr. also got a sore back lifting boxes.

Denny McLain’s strange baseball injury is very mysterious. One night Denny McLain went to bed completely healthy. The next night McLain woke up with four dislocated toes. Gotta pay off.

Freddie Fitzsimmons was sitting in a rocking chair sleeping when he crushed his own fingers underneath the chair. Maybe he also dislocated Denny McLain’s toes.

Outfielder Dustan Mohr strained his groin while trying to get out of the dugout for a celebration for another player’s home run.

Reliever Joey Eischen broke his arm jumping into the air to field a ground ball.

Adam Eaton missed a start in 2001 after stabbing himself with a paring knife while attempting to open a DVD box.

Charlie Hough broke his pinky finger while shaking hands.

Mickey Tettleton went on the DL with a severe case of athlete’s foot – caused by tying his shoes too tight.

Jose Cardenal missed a game in 1972 because he was kept awake all night by crickets chirping in his hotel room.

In 1998, Cleveland’s Brian Giles missed a few games due to spider bites.

Moises Alou injured his knee in 1999 by falling off his treadmill. When almost ready to return in 2000, he re-injured it by running over his son with his bicycle. He missed over a year.

Jose Cardenal also missed a game in 1974, because he couldn’t blink. He swore his eyes were stuck open.

Bob Feller scalded himself with 200-degree water after he lost control of the hose in a whirlpool. He scalded himself from the waist down, and couldn’t do anything for a week.

Russ Davis missed a game after he slept wrong and awoke with a sore shoulder.

David Cone missed a start after getting bit by his mother-in-law’s dog, a Jack Russell Terrier.

Sammy Sosa missed a game after sleeping wrong on his shoulder.

Jim Corsi slipped coming out of the shower and sprained his wrist. Corsi has poor eyesight, wasn’t wearing contacts, and misjudged his step.

Bob Stanley missed a couple of games slipping down the stairs while taking out the trash.

Carlos Perez broke his nose in a car accident….as he was trying to pass the team bus.

Brian Anderson suffered nerve damage in his elbow after a cab ride.

Tony Gwynn missed a couple of games after he smashed his thumb in the door of his luxury car. While going to the bank.

Rickey Henderson missed several games because of frost- bite. In August.

Vince Coleman missed the 1985 World Series when he got rolled up in the tarp machine.

Pascual Perez missed a start in Atlanta when he circled the city for more than two hours searching for the exit ramp from Highway 285 to Fulton County Stadium.

Kevin Mitchell strained a muscle while vomiting.

Twins farmhand David Foster was knocked out for the season when a lightning strike through a phone line zapped him while he was making a call.

Pitcher Steve Foster injured his shoulder knocking over milk bottles during a segment with Jay Leno on “The Tonight Show.”

Wade Boggs missed several games after straining his back while pulling on his cowboy boots.

Paul Molitor dislocated a knuckle when it got stuck in another player’s glove.

Milwaukee’s Dave Nilsson missed part of this season with Ross River Fever, a mosquito-borne virus that annually affects 200 out of Australia’s 17 million residents.

Twins general manager Terry Ryan required dozens of stitches when he was scouting a game and a bat flew out of the hitter’s hands, sailed through a space in the backstop and struck him in the forehead.

Pitcher Jeff Juden had a start early in the 1994 season pushed back after getting an infection from a tattoo.

Outfielder Bret Barberie missed a game when he accidentally rubbed chili juice in his eye.

Doc Gooden missed a start when Vince Coleman accidentally hit him with a golf club in the Mets’ clubhouse.

Pitcher Steve Sparks dislocated his shoulder while tearing a phone book in half, as he was trying to emulate a motivational speaker.

Reliever Larry Anderson strained a rib muscle getting out of a Jucuzzi.

Pitcher Ted Power pulled a hamstring jumping off the bullpen bench to join a brawl.

Kent Hrbek missed the final 10 games of the 1990 season when he sprained an ankle while wrestling with a clubhouse attendant.

Florida’s Randy Veres hurt his hand pounding on a hotel room wall trying to get the people in the next room to quiet down.

Dennis Martinez injured his arm tossing his luggage onto the team bus.

Chris Brown missed a game with a strained eyelid after sleeping on an eye a funny way.

Terry Harper (Atlanta, OF) injured his shoulder after giving another player a high five.

Greg Harris (Texas, pitcher) injured his shoulder trying to flick sunflower seeds into the stands from the bullpen.

Baltimore’s Mark Smith was hurt when he stuck his hand in an air conditioner to see why it wasn’t working properly.

Glenallen Hill missed a few games after falling out of his bed while having an arachnophobic dream about spiders. He dreamt that spiders were devouring him, jumped off his bed, fell through a glass table, and crawled through the shards of glass.

Shortstop Rey Quinones wasn’t available as a pinch hitter as he was in the clubhouse playing Nintendo. (It’s not an injury, but it’s pretty funny!

OK, maybe it’s not the actual Paul Crewe leading the Ohio State Football Buckeyes into the 2011 season, but it sure as hell looks like him.

[H/T falconian]

Poor Nails. He goes through life like a bulldozer.

I loved having him on my fantasy baseball team in the early 90s. He hit for average, scored a lot of runs and stole a few bases too. His style of play always had people reminiscing of ole Pete Rose.

Now we get to see just what that kind of mentality will do to you when you have money and not much else to do.

Lenny Dykstra made about $36 million is his career. After filing for bankruptcy he raided his house and sold a bunch of s**t. That’s a no no to the po po.

He is custody in LA for a number of things, mostly felonies. I guess never a time like the present to kick a man when he’s down.

He is now being charged with hiring women off Craigslist to do some housework, and then he would tell them that they need to give him a message while he would show them little Lenny.

Some of these women apparently took exception to the peep show and told the cops. Six women have some forward so far.

Somehow, I doubt this is the bottom of the downward spiral for Dykstra. He is probably about 3/4 of the way down.